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From a personal perspective I was extremely happy with my preparation for the Claret Jug, 6 pints of Rattler, numerous lagers, the odd shot of sambuca and a 3am finish is the perfect set up for such an important event. Those that missed the Amy Austin arrived in plenty of time, but were at a slight disadvantage having not played the Nicklaus course on the previous day. This didn’t seem to matter as two of the final group came from the four who arrived on the Saturday, maybe the rattler isn’t a good way to prepare after all?

The Saturday round was tough, the course was excellent but difficult and the strong winds didn’t help either. My abiding recollection is Pedro getting himself up and down after plonking one in the water to score 2 points on the last, the way he punched the air suggested that he may even be trying for this round, which is unusual. My group all played averagely well, no-one set the course on fire like Simon had on the previous day for the AA. I was pleased to come away from the round with a small 2 point lead over my main competitor for the OOM to take into day 2. Point to note is that Rob only scored 15 points, and unless a minor is played over the next month and a half, he has managed to finish below Pedro in the OOM standings, what a pathetic loser. I was also delighted to see Pedro win nearest the pin, which I believe is the 2nd time he has won this, the first time I seem to remember he did it with a broken thumb. Ron managed to retain the hulk, mainly because the bigger hitters like myself didn’t hit the fairway.

The preparation for the Sunday round on the slightly easier Kernow course was similar to that on the Friday, only the rattler was replaced by lager and 20 year old tawny. Numerous deserved punishments were handed out on the evening, rightly, the web donkey was punished for protecting his handicap on the final 2 holes of the AA, Baxter was punished for disrespecting the Green Jacket and Coops and Pedro drank their Motown St Mellion, one more happily than the other. The only miscarriage of justice was the port fining of myself for the trumped up charge of bullying, which actually consisted of trying to ensure other members of the society abided by the constitution and avoided slow play.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the unusual behaviour of Paul Milmore once we got to the private Nicklaus room, he spent the time, running around the table, spitting chewed up crackers into the air, kissing whoever he was sat next to and then donned a cape for no reason. Adam eventually did the decent thing and sent him to bed. Aust and Bruce continued the debate as to who was in the wrong when Aust played Bruces ball and Bruce played Austs ball on the 17th of the now infamous Captains cup debacle. To me its reasonably simple, they both played the wrong ball and therefore both received a 2 shot penalty, it didn’t change the result and I think its time they both tried to move on.

The Doily Potting went well, the big winner of the evening was Simon winning 2 big pots, I think it was Adam who ended the evening as the biggest loser, winning only his pound back in one pot, I may have this wrong though as a reasonable amount of beer and port had been drunk by this point. I have a slight concern that no minutes were taken from the 4th meeting of the Doily Potters society, and that there may have been a lack of significant celery, but no matter a roaring success all the same

The overall scoring on the Sunday was far better than on the Saturday, reflective of the fact that the Kernow was far easier than the Nicklaus and the conditions were more conducive to quality golf. I played the best golf of my life spurred on by the strong scoring of the others in the group. I cannot begin to describe how utterly delighted I was to win Noz’s hulk on (I think) the 8th. Myself and the hulk have since spent a lot of quality time together, going for beer and curries together and having long chats into the early hours. Brodie is also a big fan and cannot wait for her chance to pull his head and arms off and throw them round the house. Nicola has not yet had a chance to tattoo the hulk with both mine and Onions name, but it will be done before the next society round.

On the day I was also pleased to win, nearest the pin, king of the par threes, clubhouse leader, Sunday Best, the Claret Jug, the OOM and one hundred and five English pounds, unfortunately Simon won the par 5s which prevented a clean sweep.

The weekend itself was a belter from start to finish, so thanks to the ever tireless President for doing the Society proud once again. I’ll see you all at the AGM where, with any luck, we’ll be playing a pool tournament for the coveted red shirt!!!

VOTE NOZ, because RON is a pleb.

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