Breaking what was the longest unwinningest streak in the new Donk-a-Metric system, our erstwhile Tour Director has presented the following report on his unexpected countback victory at the Celtic Manor Amy Austin.

All pictures by the Web Donk – clickum for biggum

It's not a weekend without seeing the TD in his pants on the course

Class shines through as the TD returns to winning ways

The TD reigned triumphant over a quality field in the 2011 WHVGS Amy Austin championship.

The players, comprising Messrs Brown, Bennett, Harrison, Baxter, Austin, Allsop, Spittle, Milmore, Compton, Ash, Hopkin and the Champion elect, assembled in the fine facilities of the Celtic Manor Resort on the morning of Friday 14th October.

Players seemed to have undertaken varying levels of preparation, with several arriving sufficiently early to relax, eat breakfast and store cheese, whilst others arrived hungry and very irritable…Nozzer.

Cracking Breakfast, but not cheap!

Having been deposited at the Montgomerie course in style, the players gathered on the 1st tee to begin the customary banter with the course starter…who prattled on about several insignificant matters before omitting to mention that winter rules were in operation…nice work.

The Montgomerie could be described as having spectacular views, with dramatic tee shots over valleys and breathtaking downhill shots. Two long par fives, a number of short par fours and several testing par threes, which all add up to an exciting and rewarding challenge. After the event, the TD was simply heard to describe it as “A true test of quality golfing talent”.

TD missed this tight fairway twice with boxfresh Pro V1's

Nice view of the 2010 from the Montgomerie on Friday

Several bets had been placed with BETRON prior to the first ball being struck, including what seemed to have been an audacious punt from inveterate gambler Ash, who had lumped heavily on himself. One can only imagine how confident the Captain would have been on receiving that particular stake…although he was looking particularly Ashen faced (Ashen faced, geddit ?) when the most unorthodox swing on the WHVGS Tour – in fact, the most unorthodox swing on most tours you could imagine – notched up 24 stapleforth points on the front 9.

The TD, who had been reminded by the Web Donkey that he currently occupied the longest break between winning events, was playing some very steady golf although in a very casual manner – choosing to select his next club immediately after driving and then jogging to his ball – often to find that he had selected a less than appropriate club, but playing the shot anyway.

The relaxed approach was however paying dividends and 2 solid shots and a ridiculously long putt resulted in a 3 net 1 for a net albatross and 5 points on one particular test of true golfing talent.

Celebrating a long, long, long putt for a five pointer

Quite a tough drive at the 16th

TD Connects Sweetly

Juice heads for the rubbish

The other members of the TD grouping were also similarly relaxed, being convinced that Peter had continued his fine form and taken Ronnie to the cleaners. All played ridiculous tiger-line drives up 18, before getting to the green to discover that the TD was actually in contention, with 2 putts for 36 points to win on countback.

There was a significant devil sat on the TD’s shoulder urging him to knock his first putt 30 yards down the fairway just to see the look on Ronnie’s face although sanity returned before putting to take the honours.

On securing 2nd place, Peter gained a return from BETRON although the Captain delighted in telling the assembled masses the various amounts of money which Ash had turned down as offers to settle the bet prior to the end of the round.

The Big Dog was taken by Ronald and the Shark by Bacon Bonce.

The prizes awarded were as follows and a very healthy £85 was retained for the WHVGS coffers…much to the delight of Mr Milmore, who was later further incensed by the practice of ‘scraping’ an additional £20 of sustainable funding from the post-event meal kitty.

1st prize – £15 and the Amy Ozzle Trophy (to include a retraction of such a trophy being referred to as a gimp).

2nd prize – £10 and a slightly wounded pride at having only scored 12 points on the back 9.

Dog – £5 and the Dog headcover.

Shark – £5 and the Shark headcover.

The TD

October 2011


Not for the first time – in fact for the 2nd of 3 events in a row, Mike squeaks a crucial place and absolutely critical RPs on countback. After the CJ shakeout, without this countback, he could have had 15 points less and be within the grasp of Ron and Aust at the season ending event, rather than just Juice. Good Grindin’ it out Mike, again…

Memories of the Amy Evening from DonkCam

An eventful affair moving from Gourmet Gastropub full of a local wake and the cheapest puddings known to man, through the dark and winding streets to a boozer that looked “too hard” for some of the members, despite being identified as the only one offering the requisite pool table and jukebox combo for the Amy Evening, some of us even made it on to a local Lock In boozer for some arrows and worrying discussion with some morally ambiguous senior citizens who were probably waiting for us to leave before stripping down to their S&M gear.

Gourmet Boozerage


Guns are pumped - girls ignored them

We didn't have a massive amount of space

Pres cheeses up his dinner - Moules to start

Pres and Pheasant (I think)


Cider drizzled scotch egg = wicked indigestion

Campo did his duty with his stein

Different approach to burgering

Degenerates were gambling before pudding arrived

She did a good job of selling, not such a good job of adding up a bill


Millers and his questionable shoe and sock combo

Millers in a 3D shirt

Juice ordered a White Wine, disappeared at 10pm and Won the Jug.

Pool, Booze and Jukebox - essential Amy Evening Ingredients


Darts at the Swingers Lock In

1.15AM and Noz is trying to tempt the Welshies with his belly


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