This was provided over three weeks late by the victorious bandit, who claimed not to know that he was supposed to provide a report, and then took a week to correct the position once he was informed of his obligation. But he’s a nice lad, so we will be considering this during the evening proceedings at the Jug along with other indictments and misdemeanours.
The day had finally arrived for the biggest event of the season so far, the TD Memorial! The event had the grandstand billing of 12 lads heading all the way to sunny Chepstow, on a 2 hrs drive. The TD Memorial was sure to deliver with its highly thought out prize structure.
The day started early with me picking Hollywood from the home of golf Shirley. Before hitting the various motorways to get to Chepstow, a little trip to McDonalds for a breakfast wrap was in order. The mood was good for the short 2 hour trip to Chepstow. I tried to explain to Hollywood what the ‘Shark’ looked like, he is still none the wiser. Much deliberation followed if we should have worn shorts, the money prize of 30 bar for the winner, doubling to 60 bar if in shorts was tempting. Needless to say, no one in sound mind turned up in shorts
St Pierre rolled out the red carpet; we arrived after epic journey through the English and Welsh countryside due to the shit bridge been closed! The second breakfast of the day was tucked away, introductions to a man wearing shorts for Hollywood followed. Over breakfast, I was informed that I was now playing off 24. This was music to my ears, at which point the consideration to buy shorts from the pro shop had entered my mind. Breakfast done, the time for golf arrived.
A short walk around the first tee, to be greeted by the starter with his years of knowledge on where not to go on each hole, we totally ignore his advice due to a lack of talent. The first group of Hugh, Millers, Nos & the TD got us on underway. I was in the second group consisting of myself, Boycie, Martin, Wolverine, it was like watch a bunch of Pros, with all four balls down the middle. The third group teed off behind us, Hollywood, Noz, Wolley & Simon, all went left or right off the tee so standing in the middle of the fairway was the safest place. The first green felt like putting on a thick carpet, the green keeper clearly forgot to visit. Needless to say we all walked off with some solid 7 & 8’s.
The next few holes continued with the group hitting par after par after par. This old course was no match for this mighty four-ball. Anyway I finished the front 9 with only 16 points (I think), not the greatest return in the world. The back 9 started with 10 points in 4 holes, a putt for Birdie on the 12th missed but with my new handicap of 24 it turned into a 4 point Eagle! The rest of my group continued to play steady golf. Martin and Mike were consistently down the middle with most of his drives, it was the follow-up shots not playing the game. Myself and Boycie on a number of occasions uttered the words ‘one last time with this driver or she’s back in the bag for good’, like the milk man she always delivered. A steady back 9 continued, I managed to waste at least 4 mins of my life watch Millers taking his shot on the dog hole, he win the dog, but was there a need for the 4 min setup??
The last hole loomed, a nice long par 3 over water. I hit what I thought was a nice cutting 5 wood, only to see it hit the top of the tree and land thankfully on a nice bank. The others in the group thankfully hit much better shots down the middle. I scrambled back to get myself a 4 or 5 and get a respectable 33 points (I think) for the 18. The last group in saw Hollywood nearly hit the green with a great drive.
The time for prizes was here, news started to spread that maybe 33 points was enough to win. It turned out it was, only just from Donk with 31 points in second place. The prizes for second place were exceptional; I’ve never seen Donk look happier since the Villa got relegated that very evening. A great venue and a win from myself, I’ll look forward to playing the next event with my new 24 handicap. Don’t hate the player, hate the game!
Now for some pictures of some mugging goons.
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