Match Report – 2017 Web Donk Download

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Suffering from Mid August scheduling, and following the Mindtwist – the Download is becoming part of a longer day than the President’s. Except my golf watch says the round took well under four hours, which is a bit of a novelty for WHV. Granted, just six hardy souls tee’d it up at West Mids. Sicknote Miller cried off. PK had a go go dancing job. Donk, Noz, Boyce, Juice, Gregs and Pete were the challengers.
Once again, the magnificent golden trophy was absent – assumed to be somewhere at Aust’s dad’s house.
West Mids was, well, what you expect. I don’t mind it – the greens weren’t terrible and the knobhead count was very low. We even had a member in our midst. This is the 6th time we’ve used West Mids as a venue – the only repeat winner happens to be one Mr Milmore, wonder why he booked us in here?
Anyway, Noz was feeling his usual fit self, and had gone for a buggy – this is after riding shotgun with Sicknote Miller in the morning. Members will know I have been struggling signficantly with my own back for a while, leading to some uncharacteristically low scores and a lot of heavy duty pharmaceuticals to numb the pain – so I gladly hopped into Noz’s wagon. This meant poor Pete was trudging on his own in our three. The other three, teeing off first, were Juice, Boyce and the WMGC member himself – trying to fudge a proper card in.
I started with a six, happy days. At least this event saw me back up to 12, gaining back a stroke from penalties for previous wins. Things ticked along nicely enough for the Captain – couple of pars, birdie on the fourth – saw me to the turn in 41 shots, keeping enough of a lead over Noz to keep him interested but not in full wind up mode. A disappointing double on another short hole on the back nine annoyed me, and I shanked a nine iron on the 17th – particularly aggravating as I had a chance at breaking 80. In the end it was an 81, for 39 points – three clear of Noz, with Gregs in third. Typical, probably going to get cut for winning a six man event worth 12 RPs, and where the trophy I’d bought wasn’t available. My watch says I was on 8 Greens in Regulation and took 32 putts.
Anyway – Noz out drove me on the dog by about a yard, 270 or so. And Boyce won the shark on the island green, and was useless at telling the 2nd group if they were wet or dry.
Here are some pictures – the benefit of being in the Donk group is that you will get some helpful swing shots to analyse. I will also do some work on some slow mo action.

Donk-a-lytics – Jug Winning History

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Thanks to firebugs and general Network Rail challenges, I have had more time on the train than episodes of Narcos or Queen of the South (Narcos with hot chicks) downloaded, so I’ve done some traditional September pre-Jug Donking.

Fair to say that no one was able to call any of the recent Jug winners ahead of the event. People may have dreamed of glory, but the bookies didn’t have Pete, Boyce, Baxter as favourites. The last self proclaimed favourite to win was Nozzer, with his 121 point weekend at Wokefield that was an impressive show of willpower to deny Rob the chance to take the Jug to Scotland.

Some points to consider

  • Low handicappers should look away
  • Winners haven’t needed a forty point round since 2012
  • Pedro won with a 28 point Saturday last year, and a magnificent Sunday charge matched by a pretty epic Chock from Boyce
  • Chocks of greater legend exist – Baxter in 2007 Chocked with a handful of holes left, and Campo went from the extendafork (and a bloody duck leg) on Saturday night to 11th on Sunday
  • Sunday Bests beat Clubhouse Leaders, but consistency across both days is the key metric (apart from The History Boy)
  • Apart from the high scoring nun worrying venue, carding over 70 points pretty much guarantees the Jug


And for the other bit of analysis – a guide to the runners and riders for La Manga. I don’t have the placings for early jugs or 2008, where the match report focuses on the wagering rather than the actual results. Four stalwarts have been Jug-EverPresents in the Donk era – Noz, Pete, Bruce and Aust. Missing one of the nine are the Pres, Ads and the ex-TD. Mikey and I weren’t members in 2007, but haven’t missed any available Jug. Overdue for a win are Mike, Donk and Ron – on the podium three times in the period without ever taking the Jacket. Mike has blown a couple good Saturday leads too, but where would he take our showpiece event? Leicester?

Anticipating that PedroPower, Betron or GambleGibbon might resurrect themselves to grab some of that sweet Ogmore gravy – I’ve included a recent form guide too. Recent is a stretch for a couple of members – Coops’ five events might cover five years. Weirdly, the form horse, due a win and possibly playing more golf than previously and holding a silly high handicap is the perennial wooden spoon and shambles machine – surely the bright lights and strong lager will see off any chance of Gregs writing the sequel to the History Boy?

Match Report – 2017 Milmore Mindtwist

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On behalf of the winning team – The Captain, The Professor, The Juice and The Boyce

For the second year, the society returned to Royal Widney Manor to contest the Mindtwist – again, either by fortune or design, 8 members lined up for the team event. The sponsor wandered into the ‘clubhouse’ later than most, looking very very sorry for himself and his poorly back. He opted for a buggy as his crippling pain was alleviated by sitting down. I don’t like to compare the pain tolerance of the product of a strong Northern house to one from a lesser Midland based house, but I have been experiencing similar back/disc issues for nearly 2 years now and have still managed to compete using a combination of drugs and willpower – I am sure his injury will be much worse than mine when the details are in.

The teams were determined via ball toss – only Donk and PK from the winning team last year were present. PK didn’t have to do and shake his money maker at Leamington Pride midway through the round this time, but he wasn’t able to make the afternoon round. He was paired with our sicknote sponsor, tour leader Noz and new member of WMGC/RWMGC, Mr C Gregory. The Captain was teamed up with the current holder of the Green Jacket, steady away Steve and Glory or Bust juice.

Miller explained the ‘pay on the day’ bounties for gross birdies, eagles and hitting the greens with drives on Par 4’s, and we were away. We saw the first team celebrate a birdie on the first, then let a pair of older female members through on the first, before loading up – Juice melted a three wood to the edge of the green…


And from there it continued – Boyce was a machine on the less than perfect putting surfaces of the front nine – we were six under at the turn. For a while, we were worried about getting all of four of the Prof’s drives away, but that turned out not to be too troubling. The card of the round is shown below, compared to the 2016 winning round. Opening with an Eagle helps, but eight under is still pretty good shooting on a wet and wild day.


Back in the shed, the sponsors team were soundly beaten by four shots, but took both of the ‘Nearest the Pin’ prizes, despite a bit of a cock up on the actual holes being contended – i.e. the sponsors team forgot to mark on the first Mindtwist Shark hole, and then on the mental arithmetic used to work out the prize money, but we all enjoyed our pies. The winning team were all presented with a commemorative Arnold Palmer badge to be worn at the Jarra de Plata.

I was wearing DonkCam for the round, which provides some random fun shots




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Advanced Party Challenge

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One for Noz or Pete to attempt – swing so hard you snap your shaft. Reckon Curt is the natural favourute

WHV Social

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When the fun stops…retweet for a free bet

WHV Social

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Mining a rich seam here

And I found the video….

Shall I post it here?

WHV Social

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Share them if you find them…

Not sure the ginger one is as happy as the sex pest and his blonde friend.

We need to find this interview…

Match Report : 2016 President’s Classic

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Provided in late January by Mr Thomas Jimenez of Manchester

A merry band of seven (Pres, Noz & PK (the Presidents team) and Donk, Woolly, Aust and Tom (Donks team)) arrived early at the Warwickshire for The Presidents 2016.

A quick round of bacon butties and the starter set us off on the first tee on the Kings Course for the mornings individual Stapleforth matches.

An eventful mornings golf included Pres. striking the ball like a knife through the wind and a crow stealing a bacon buttie from the back of a buggie, serviette and all and feasted on it with its mates at a teasing, but safe distance.

In the first Stapleforth fourball, a notional Pres played, and lost to Woolly, and Noz played and beat Aust. In the second fourball, PK played and halved with Donk, and a real Pres played and lost to Tom. I hope thats clear?

Personally ive no-idea. I never quite worked it out. The shark was so fiercely contested on a two tier green by Pk and Donk that it ended in a tie. Four puts later, the first two ending up further from the hole than they started after failing to get up the slope, Pk finally holed out. He was happy about that.

Totting up the scores over a lunch of ham, egg and chips the scores were Presidents team 1 1/2, Donks team 2 1/2 and Tom bagged the Presidents with 34 stapleforth points.

Teeing off on the Earls Course for the afternoons entertainment, Team Donk were confident in their one point lead. Aust and Tom went off first, playing Noz and a real Pres, followed by Donk and Wooly playing PK and a notional Pres. Pres however shape shifted halfway around to play with PK, largely I recall due to having got irritated with Noz’s game.

The mood in Team Pres was low and Team Donk capitalised on this with a huge 3 / 3 all square draw in the afternoon game.

Match Report : 2017 TD Memorial

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Marty the Cat, welcome to the winner’s circle

so here goes, I am new to writing about a game of golf usually just talking about it in the 19th …..Saturday 1st April the sun was out, boyce and myself headed down the M40 to the Welcombe at Stratford. arriving we thought early for a change!!

we saw 3 fellow boys hitting balls on the range and decided to venture into the pro-shop. Walking around we over heard that a group were late for there tee times, it turned out to be WHV apparently greggs had got all his timings wrong, which made for a very interesting start to a game of golf as the 1st & 2nd groups of 4 both teed off eating bacon baps.

Myself in the second group with PK, JP & Boyce enjoyed a very friendly and enjoyable game of golf. On arrival at the 19th and after a few shandys and waiting for all of our groups to appear the scorecards produced 2 boys on 37 points, myself taking the win with a countback on the back nine, Boyce won nearest the pin, Donk the longest drive and Juice the straight line.

Apparently the banter in the bar suggested there would be some form of punishment for greggs in La Manga. Next trip Somerset 30th April.

The Cat.

The sponsor was the one who had to see off the foot and a half from the mouldy glass