Donk-a-lytics – Jug Winning History

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Thanks to firebugs and general Network Rail challenges, I have had more time on the train than episodes of Narcos or Queen of the South (Narcos with hot chicks) downloaded, so I’ve done some traditional September pre-Jug Donking.

Fair to say that no one was able to call any of the recent Jug winners ahead of the event. People may have dreamed of glory, but the bookies didn’t have Pete, Boyce, Baxter as favourites. The last self proclaimed favourite to win was Nozzer, with his 121 point weekend at Wokefield that was an impressive show of willpower to deny Rob the chance to take the Jug to Scotland.

Some points to consider

  • Low handicappers should look away
  • Winners haven’t needed a forty point round since 2012
  • Pedro won with a 28 point Saturday last year, and a magnificent Sunday charge matched by a pretty epic Chock from Boyce
  • Chocks of greater legend exist – Baxter in 2007 Chocked with a handful of holes left, and Campo went from the extendafork (and a bloody duck leg) on Saturday night to 11th on Sunday
  • Sunday Bests beat Clubhouse Leaders, but consistency across both days is the key metric (apart from The History Boy)
  • Apart from the high scoring nun worrying venue, carding over 70 points pretty much guarantees the Jug


And for the other bit of analysis – a guide to the runners and riders for La Manga. I don’t have the placings for early jugs or 2008, where the match report focuses on the wagering rather than the actual results. Four stalwarts have been Jug-EverPresents in the Donk era – Noz, Pete, Bruce and Aust. Missing one of the nine are the Pres, Ads and the ex-TD. Mikey and I weren’t members in 2007, but haven’t missed any available Jug. Overdue for a win are Mike, Donk and Ron – on the podium three times in the period without ever taking the Jacket. Mike has blown a couple good Saturday leads too, but where would he take our showpiece event? Leicester?

Anticipating that PedroPower, Betron or GambleGibbon might resurrect themselves to grab some of that sweet Ogmore gravy – I’ve included a recent form guide too. Recent is a stretch for a couple of members – Coops’ five events might cover five years. Weirdly, the form horse, due a win and possibly playing more golf than previously and holding a silly high handicap is the perennial wooden spoon and shambles machine – surely the bright lights and strong lager will see off any chance of Gregs writing the sequel to the History Boy?


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Advanced Party Challenge

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One for Noz or Pete to attempt – swing so hard you snap your shaft. Reckon Curt is the natural favourute

WHV Social

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When the fun stops…retweet for a free bet

WHV Social

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Mining a rich seam here

And I found the video….

Shall I post it here?

WHV Social

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Share them if you find them…

Not sure the ginger one is as happy as the sex pest and his blonde friend.

We need to find this interview…

Match Report : 2016 President’s Classic

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Provided in late January by Mr Thomas Jimenez of Manchester

A merry band of seven (Pres, Noz & PK (the Presidents team) and Donk, Woolly, Aust and Tom (Donks team)) arrived early at the Warwickshire for The Presidents 2016.

A quick round of bacon butties and the starter set us off on the first tee on the Kings Course for the mornings individual Stapleforth matches.

An eventful mornings golf included Pres. striking the ball like a knife through the wind and a crow stealing a bacon buttie from the back of a buggie, serviette and all and feasted on it with its mates at a teasing, but safe distance.

In the first Stapleforth fourball, a notional Pres played, and lost to Woolly, and Noz played and beat Aust. In the second fourball, PK played and halved with Donk, and a real Pres played and lost to Tom. I hope thats clear?

Personally ive no-idea. I never quite worked it out. The shark was so fiercely contested on a two tier green by Pk and Donk that it ended in a tie. Four puts later, the first two ending up further from the hole than they started after failing to get up the slope, Pk finally holed out. He was happy about that.

Totting up the scores over a lunch of ham, egg and chips the scores were Presidents team 1 1/2, Donks team 2 1/2 and Tom bagged the Presidents with 34 stapleforth points.

Teeing off on the Earls Course for the afternoons entertainment, Team Donk were confident in their one point lead. Aust and Tom went off first, playing Noz and a real Pres, followed by Donk and Wooly playing PK and a notional Pres. Pres however shape shifted halfway around to play with PK, largely I recall due to having got irritated with Noz’s game.

The mood in Team Pres was low and Team Donk capitalised on this with a huge 3 / 3 all square draw in the afternoon game.

Match Report : 2017 TD Memorial

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Marty the Cat, welcome to the winner’s circle

so here goes, I am new to writing about a game of golf usually just talking about it in the 19th …..Saturday 1st April the sun was out, boyce and myself headed down the M40 to the Welcombe at Stratford. arriving we thought early for a change!!

we saw 3 fellow boys hitting balls on the range and decided to venture into the pro-shop. Walking around we over heard that a group were late for there tee times, it turned out to be WHV apparently greggs had got all his timings wrong, which made for a very interesting start to a game of golf as the 1st & 2nd groups of 4 both teed off eating bacon baps.

Myself in the second group with PK, JP & Boyce enjoyed a very friendly and enjoyable game of golf. On arrival at the 19th and after a few shandys and waiting for all of our groups to appear the scorecards produced 2 boys on 37 points, myself taking the win with a countback on the back nine, Boyce won nearest the pin, Donk the longest drive and Juice the straight line.

Apparently the banter in the bar suggested there would be some form of punishment for greggs in La Manga. Next trip Somerset 30th April.

The Cat.

The sponsor was the one who had to see off the foot and a half from the mouldy glass

Match Report : 2017 Captain’s Matchplay

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As provided by Boyce – a man born to wear the Ring


Here is the match report for the Captains Matchplay from Boycie aka Magnum

Attendees:- Chris Gregory (Greggors), Michael Allsopp, Pete Ash (Pedro), Steve Harding (Boycie/Magnum), Simon Harrison (Donk), Paul Millmore,(Millers/Tin-tin), William Spittle (Noz), Martin Currirer (Marty the Cat), Paul Kerr (PK).

The re-arranged date arrived and was still warm but nowhere near as hot as it was the previous week, the originally planned date (thank goodness most thought as we strolled up the lovely picturesque hills of Cleobury Mortimer Golf Club). Everyone arrived nice and early for a lovely full English breakfast and warm cuppa.

We then all headed off to the first tee digesting Donk’s instructions on how to score, and what these first nine holes meant. (This the first time I have actually managed to play in the matchplay as I have always been on holiday) In fact it became clear that the morning 9 holes were just a warm up round to assist in seeding’s for the afternoon rounds.

The morning groups were:- PK, Pedro & Noz / Donk, Millers & Greggs / The Cat, Boycie & Mike PK kicked off the day hitting the “spitfire” safely down the right-hand side of the fairway.

A good mornings golf with the winners of each group gaining 5 ranking points and seeded in separate groups in the afternoon were, Pedro, Donk & Mike

A quick ham egg and chips and gluten free option for Noz for lunch (and maybe a pint for some) before the afternoon 18 holes proper took place. However on the way to the tee PK gets a free grip for his 5 wood from the guy offering one free grip. Noz queues and get his 7 iron re-gripped but when Greggors tries to get his brand new driver re-gripped asking “which is the dearest one he can get free he was duly informed by said guy that he was only doing 7 irons – I wonder why/how Greggors managed to alienate the guy when all he wanted was the most expensive free new grip on his brand new driver!!! Miller’s then has to pay £5 to get his club re-gripped as no more free grips.

Anyhow we all moved onto the first tee with Greggors still not impressed with not getting his free grip. The groups for the first round proper were:- Boycie, Greggs & Pedro / Millers Noz & Mike / Donk, Martin & PK

Unfortunately for Pedro he seemed to have lost the game he had in the morning but it was a close game between Greggs and me with both having a chance coming up the last. We both hit good drives away and were sitting on the fairway but Greggs is about 20 yards further than me. I hit a monster 5 iron on to the green just 12 feet away putting the pressure back onto Greggs. Greggs creamed his 5 iron as well and thought he’d gone through the green only to find he was in the front greenside bunker. H managed to get out but never made par leaving me two puts for par and win the group.

A quick drink whilst we await the others before a quick turnaround into the final groups. The first group out was all those who came third in their groups –Martin, Pedro & Mike (two of the morning round winners) playing for 5 ranking points The second group out the runners up of the groups –Greggs, Millers & PK playing for 10 ranking points

The final group being the winners of the groups and so gaining 5 ranking points and now playing for 15 ranking points the captains ring, shield and envelope with cash out of the captains own pocket, in his own words to make up for having to change the date. – Boycie, Donk & Noz

It can be said that it had been a long day and that there wasn’t some of the best golf played in the final group and Noz, who had already won 2 competitions this year and was looking for his 3rd win was clearly feeling the heat and tiring and struggled with his driving. It was a close game where I did get into a quick lead but was pulled back by Donk at the half way stage but I managed to keep ahead and at the 8th hole I sealed the win which meant we were all free to have a go for the longest drive.

None of us actually managed to challenge and so we picked up our drives and walked back to the clubhouse for a well-deserved drink and the presentation.

Winners of the other groups were Martin who appeared to bring his A game to score 30 out of a possible 36 points when beating Mike and Pedro for 5 ranking points. PK beat Millers and Greggs in the second group for 10 ranking points.

Overall the ranking points won were:- Pedro 5, Donk 5+5=10, Mike 5, Noz 5, Marty 5 PK 10 and overall winner yours truly Boycie 5+15=20

The winner Boycie winning the Captains ring, Shield £15.00 and captain’s personal envelope.

The Shark £5.00 and the Dog £5.00 went to Marty the cat

The Return of the Mindtwist

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It is important to record, because I didn’t last year, that the erstwhile sponsor of this 2nd year event has provided his rules of battle.


Here’s the rules etc for the Mind Twist: It is essentially a Texas scramble with a few twists.

Royal Widney Manor has been chosen for good reason. It suits and supports this flag hunting, exciting, low team scoring format very well indeed.

How it works:

1. Teams are selected via a draw made just prior to first tee off – will be ideally 4 golfers could be 3 versus 4 depending on Pedro.

2. Your team handicap is your total WHV handicaps added up, divided by 4 and them 3/4 of that number – this will be worked out and given to you prior to tee off.

3. All golfers tee off on every hole – in any order decided on by the team.

4. The team select the best drive (maybe longest or maybe best position) and all play second shots from that position.

5. The golfer who hit the shot to that point marks the location with a tee peg and plays first from that point as the ball lays.

6. Other team members place 6 inches around that spot no nearer the hole and play their shots.

7. This is repeated, including for putts, until every hole is completed.

8. When all hitting to the green, the team are under no obligation to select the closest putt, any one can be selected. The selected putt is marked, the player who hit to that point putts first then the others hit putts from that point in an order they chose until the hole is competed.

9. Teams must record their gross and net scores for each hole, totalling overall net score in the usual way.

10. The winning team will have the lowest net score overall and be the Miller Mind twist champions.

Prize Structure:

1. £5 entry per golfer covers 2 individual £5 prizes for nearest the pin on the 3rd and the 17th.

2. All prize money left will be split amongst the winning team – probably £15 per golfer

3. Prizes courtesy of the sponsor, in addition to the above, will be:

  • A beautiful commemorative badge to each winning player to be worn in La Manga at all times
  • £5 for every par 4 green hit with a drive (just hit at some point, not held) to be noted by each hole and split amongst the team. This is one £5 per hole per group maximum, even if 2 golfers in a team hit a par 4 green on the same hole.
  • £5 for the team split equally for every gross eagle scored
  • £1 as above for every gross birdie scored