Donk-a-lytics – Jug Winning History

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Thanks to firebugs and general Network Rail challenges, I have had more time on the train than episodes of Narcos or Queen of the South (Narcos with hot chicks) downloaded, so I’ve done some traditional September pre-Jug Donking.

Fair to say that no one was able to call any of the recent Jug winners ahead of the event. People may have dreamed of glory, but the bookies didn’t have Pete, Boyce, Baxter as favourites. The last self proclaimed favourite to win was Nozzer, with his 121 point weekend at Wokefield that was an impressive show of willpower to deny Rob the chance to take the Jug to Scotland.

Some points to consider

  • Low handicappers should look away
  • Winners haven’t needed a forty point round since 2012
  • Pedro won with a 28 point Saturday last year, and a magnificent Sunday charge matched by a pretty epic Chock from Boyce
  • Chocks of greater legend exist – Baxter in 2007 Chocked with a handful of holes left, and Campo went from the extendafork (and a bloody duck leg) on Saturday night to 11th on Sunday
  • Sunday Bests beat Clubhouse Leaders, but consistency across both days is the key metric (apart from The History Boy)
  • Apart from the high scoring nun worrying venue, carding over 70 points pretty much guarantees the Jug


And for the other bit of analysis – a guide to the runners and riders for La Manga. I don’t have the placings for early jugs or 2008, where the match report focuses on the wagering rather than the actual results. Four stalwarts have been Jug-EverPresents in the Donk era – Noz, Pete, Bruce and Aust. Missing one of the nine are the Pres, Ads and the ex-TD. Mikey and I weren’t members in 2007, but haven’t missed any available Jug. Overdue for a win are Mike, Donk and Ron – on the podium three times in the period without ever taking the Jacket. Mike has blown a couple good Saturday leads too, but where would he take our showpiece event? Leicester?

Anticipating that PedroPower, Betron or GambleGibbon might resurrect themselves to grab some of that sweet Ogmore gravy – I’ve included a recent form guide too. Recent is a stretch for a couple of members – Coops’ five events might cover five years. Weirdly, the form horse, due a win and possibly playing more golf than previously and holding a silly high handicap is the perennial wooden spoon and shambles machine – surely the bright lights and strong lager will see off any chance of Gregs writing the sequel to the History Boy?

The Return of the Mindtwist

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It is important to record, because I didn’t last year, that the erstwhile sponsor of this 2nd year event has provided his rules of battle.


Here’s the rules etc for the Mind Twist: It is essentially a Texas scramble with a few twists.

Royal Widney Manor has been chosen for good reason. It suits and supports this flag hunting, exciting, low team scoring format very well indeed.

How it works:

1. Teams are selected via a draw made just prior to first tee off – will be ideally 4 golfers could be 3 versus 4 depending on Pedro.

2. Your team handicap is your total WHV handicaps added up, divided by 4 and them 3/4 of that number – this will be worked out and given to you prior to tee off.

3. All golfers tee off on every hole – in any order decided on by the team.

4. The team select the best drive (maybe longest or maybe best position) and all play second shots from that position.

5. The golfer who hit the shot to that point marks the location with a tee peg and plays first from that point as the ball lays.

6. Other team members place 6 inches around that spot no nearer the hole and play their shots.

7. This is repeated, including for putts, until every hole is completed.

8. When all hitting to the green, the team are under no obligation to select the closest putt, any one can be selected. The selected putt is marked, the player who hit to that point putts first then the others hit putts from that point in an order they chose until the hole is competed.

9. Teams must record their gross and net scores for each hole, totalling overall net score in the usual way.

10. The winning team will have the lowest net score overall and be the Miller Mind twist champions.

Prize Structure:

1. £5 entry per golfer covers 2 individual £5 prizes for nearest the pin on the 3rd and the 17th.

2. All prize money left will be split amongst the winning team – probably £15 per golfer

3. Prizes courtesy of the sponsor, in addition to the above, will be:

  • A beautiful commemorative badge to each winning player to be worn in La Manga at all times
  • £5 for every par 4 green hit with a drive (just hit at some point, not held) to be noted by each hole and split amongst the team. This is one £5 per hole per group maximum, even if 2 golfers in a team hit a par 4 green on the same hole.
  • £5 for the team split equally for every gross eagle scored
  • £1 as above for every gross birdie scored

Not Long Till Combe: WHV Open – What It Takes To Win

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Here’s some data I’ve pulled together whilst Donking – not sure who is going to take the Claret Jug this year. Both Jimenez and Special K seem strong favourites, as is Noz – playing better than his handicap suggests.


Presidents 2016

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Just Days to Go until we play lots of golf instead of watching lots of golf – once again the Presidents clashes with the Saturday of the Open.

We’ve had an update from the President himself, who took last years Miracle at Medinah comeback by the Captain’s boys in the afternoon singles pretty hard, so let’s see what kind of changes he’s made to the format…and whether the Warwickshire have stepped up their game when it comes to society catering (we all know if you’re paying at the bar, you mysteriously get a much better standard of nosebag).

You will also notice the sleight of hand to disguise the change in point scoring under the guise of buying a bunch of Pints at the Jug, a policy he was very much against less than 12 months ago – good to see that we can enjoy our own political U-turns, just like those losers in Whitehall.

This is me expressing my personal opinion as the Web Donk, not as the Captain – I relish every challenge laid before me, and if Mr Four Green Jackets chalks up a win for his team, good luck to them. As Captain, I support all innovation proposed by event sponsors, even those with the power to unilaterally effect the number of ranking points awarded without review by other members of the bored

Now, I need to decide what colour shirt to wear on the day, as I have the choice of four. Don’t forget your suncream and or raingear – we’ve had extremes of both in recent years.


Chaps – We are the small, but perfectly formed “Presidential Eight” for the 2016 President’s Classic: The President, The Captain, The Aust, Noz, Mike, Special K, Tom and Woolly.

The details are: Saturday 16th July – The Warwickshire, (Leek Wootton, Warwick, CV35 7QT), cost is a very reasonable £65 (inc buggies all day, 36 Championship holes, bacon baps & coffee for breakfast and lunch) – plus £10 competition fee. There are also, up to Four FREE Pints at the Claret Jug on offer to each player…

We are trialling a switcheroo this year…. How exciting… We are having the Singles and the Major in the morning and the Mutliball Stapleforth in the afternoon. We are also changing the Ryder Cup style scoring. There will be 1 Ryder Cup point available for the morning singles matches – which could be halved, but there will be 3 available points for the Mutliball Stapleforth pairs, (Front, Back and Overall). The President will provide a Free Pint at the 2016 Claret Jug for any whole Ryder Cup points earned
during the day. For Example if you win your singles match and win the Pairs 2.5 to 0.5, you would win 3 Pints at the 2016 Claret Jug curtsey of your President.

7.40(ish) am – Coffee and bready bacon rolls on arrival – Team Selection Process
8.40 am – King’s Course – “Singles” and the Major
1.20pm approx – “Chef’s one course Special”
2.15 pm – Earl’s Course Mutliball Stapleforth Pairs
7.00(ish) pm – Prize giving

Also, for any of you who haven’t competed quite so regularly this year, the President’s is a great way to make your mark on the OoM, before the second half of the year push towards a wet weekend on the Devon coast. The RPs on offer are:

– Standard Major RPs for the “Major”
– Each member of the winning Ryder Cup team receives an additional 10 RPs, and
– Each individual competitor receives WHVRPs for every Ryder Cup Point that they win as an individual and as part of their Mutliball Scramble pair, (rounded up at the end of the day to a full point), which means that there are further WHVRPS available to everyone.

ALSO – Please can you both colours to WHV Shirt with you if you have two and have both colours…

Yours, The Pres.

2016 Jug Weekend

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Here are the details from the President about our annual weekend away

Chaps – The 2016 WHVGS AA and WHV Open has been finalised, October 7th9th. In 2014 we played two historical two Open Courses.

In 2015 we played a mighty trilogy in North Wales, which was excellent… So where to in 2016…?

I tried to set up a weekend in Southport or Liverpool to take in another Open course, but failed – weekend golf is tricky in those parts… I looked at a weekend in Belfast, but they are currently digging up both the Portrush Courses for the Open in 2019… So now is not the right time to go… I was getting quite despondent, but… Now, I am happy.

The courses are top drawer and the cost is palatable… This year we are heading south, but not a plane. We will take on the highest ranked course that the WHVGS Tour has ever been to, the highest ranked three course combination we have ever played – including the oldest English course…

Friday 7th Oct : The Amy Austin – The West Course Saunton Golf Club (65th Best course in England)

Saturday 8th October : CJ Round 1 – The East Course Saunton Golf Club (12th Best course in England and the 33rd Best Course in the British Isles – 5 places higher than Royal Cinque Ports and has hosted The Amateur Championship on numerous occasions)

Image result for saunton east course

Sunday 9th October : CJ round 2 – Royal North Devon Golf Club / Westward Ho! (The oldest Course in England, the 55th Best Course in England and has hosted The Amateur Championship on three occasions)


The cost is £334 for three truly excellent courses and B&B.

2016 Tour Schedule

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Because someone always asks about it, I’ve taken the email from the President about the 2016 calendar, and dropped it onto the site, under the menu item ‘tour schedule’

Upcoming: Details for the PR Skins

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Our new Players Rep has written out today to confirm details of the March event.

We’re playing at Swindon GC – DY3 4PU for you satnav boys – on 12th March

First tee time is 11.12, with a nice full breakfast beforehand, apparently.

Current list of boys looks to be

Big Nelly
Mike has withdrawn for beaver action

Announcing the 2015 Captain’s Matchplay

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So, after the fun in the sun at the Brissle, it is time for you all to continue to play better and ready golf, and enjoy the event where you don’t always need to hole out – the annual matchplay event.

Because we’re never lucky enough to 8 or 16 players, we have to play some strange three cornered matches, but we’re looking at working out the final format – which could change within the day – once we have the final numbers.

Here are the logistics – the event returns to the three loops of nine at Cleobury Mortimer, because the golf is challenging but fair, and the guys in the pro shop are really friendly.

This year we are looking at arriving between 8.30 and 9am for a full english breakfast (none of your shabby bacon baps here), teeing off for the first nine at 9.30. Then we come in for a ‘light lunch’ before going out for the subsequent rounds of nine. All for just £43.

The day of the event is Saturday 6 June – let me know if you want to join me in trying to follow Adam as the reigning matchplay champion.

Oh, and besides picking up the Captain’s Hand Engraved Shield, the winner will be inaugural member to be granted the privilege of wearing the Matchplay Champions Ring – about as glorious a piece of male jewellery you will see outside of Kanye West’s fist. The Matchplay Champions Ring has to be worn throughout the WHV Open Weekend, although some dispensation will be granted for not wearing it during actual play, as it is bloody massive and might interfere with your grip (unless you’re used to wearing bling, like Boycie). The board would also be pleased to see it at all WHV events, especially the End of Season Social and AGM

So, let me know – mail, text, WhatsApp, or even comment here or on facebook – they all come through.

One of the signature holes, and the venue for the 2015 Matchplay Shark


Next Tour Event: The 2015 Brissle – 16th May

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The idiot sponsor has sent out a half assed email about the upcoming Brissle

We’re going to Thornbury GC – It’s convenient to get to (Jn 14 of M5).

A big bunker somewhere near Bristol, where the sky never actually looks like that

It has a fab 18 hole Low par 3 course where we will start the activities – The Bored can decide if it’s worth any *anking points or not.

Then we will be enjoying lunch.

Then we are booked for 1pm to play the High Course for the Horn.

It’ll be no more than £40 all in apparently, which seems ridiculous, but true, including lunch.

There’s a driving range too, but the par 3 course takes a couple of hours to get round so may not be needed, or it may be depending on personal performance.

I’ve paid the deposit, and guessed at a max of 12 golfers – we can bump this to 4 tee times if required however.

I need confirmed numbers by Friday to firm up arrangements.

For anyone not on this list – please feel free to forward accordingly.

Important Questions

  • what time is the morning non-minor tee off?
  • are there any stakes for this pre-Brissle?
  • what time is the afternoon tee off?
  • are we replacing the original Brissle Horn (now in two sections) with the rather less vulnerable hunting horn that was once shown on WhatsApp?
  • will the food be better or worse than the greasy spoon in WSM?


What we know about the 2015 Skins

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I’m sure that if you’re playing tomorrow, you’re as intrigued as I am by what the eccentric genius of Pedro will bring to the original design of a format crafted by Ron in during his peak of wicked creativity when he was the players rep.

Here’s some detail;

  • the Skins returns to Ingon Manor, the site of the unveiling of the Hip Flask – one of the more elusive society assets
  • When the event was held at this course in the past, the President won
  • Arrived and fed by 11.30 to get through the necessary complex admin.
  • The event is sponsored by Pedro Power, and therefore has its patented final fourball; with an £5 per par 3 nearest-the-pin  competition for the 3 most prolific punters & Pedro.
  • The core skins format will be as per Ron’s design; which is 1 competition skin per hole won outright on Stapleforth score; plus one each for the Dog and the Shark. In a slight nod to Millers’ lunacy each fourball has its own skins match (stapleforth holes only) with a competition skin for the winner, decided on last match skin won in the event of a tie. There will also be a skin for the best overall stapleforth score, best front nine and best back nine.
  • Everybody receives a bonus shot to be used on any hole they fancy, to be determined prior to the match. They must inform Pedro of the hole they will apply it to when visiting him to bet (betting is not compulsory but visiting Pedro with your playing card is). No betting visit, no bonus shot. Not waiting to bet by 11.30? – risk missing your betting visit.
  • Standard prize pot is will be generously supplemented by the  Sponsors to make each skin equal a note.  1 = £(50) per skin 2-4(20); 5-8(10); 9-16(5). If there are more than 16 skins earned on the day, the least valuable skins will earn nowt. Conceptual value of skins is (highest value first): Dog, Shark, holes in countback order (18th most valuable),match skins,stapleford (18, back 9, front 9). Winners of notes can probably double their money playing note-poker with Pedro.
  • Winner player who has earned most skins. Remaining competition positions will be Donked after the event; ties are  decided by the value structure above and persons with no skins will equally share the remaining WHVGSRPs (rounded down)

Is that clear? The only handicap impact of this event will be a winners penalty

I’m looking forward to Donking tomorrow, I’m sure I will learn something!