First, the results – clicky to see bigger
Note that the WHV system is holding £15 and £10 for win and place at the Spittle, as advised by the TD – who might have been distracted by young trim licking ice creams as they walked round the lake. Ron seems to thing he’s getting more money in December…
Ron’s Match Report
Sat outside on the patio last year at St Mellion I recall watching Bruce enjoying lager from the 1968 West Germany Munich Pottery Stein with Naff Hinged Metal Lid. Although a relatively recent acquisition the Stein is one of the most sought after trophies on the tour and can only be used for consumption during the Claret Jug Weekend exclusively by the winner of the Spittle Shield. It was this moment on the patio (sat underneath the Olazabel Suite, the best room in the hotel that myself and Coops occupied for last years Claret) that I knew I wanted to win it and enjoy for myself the quenching taste of bevoirs from such a tremendous and sought after vessel.
The winning of the Spittle Shield doesn’t just happen, it requires perfect planning involving a session the night before at Nuthurst Grange where you must consume 9 pints of draft Magners at a ridiculous £4.20 a pint and a few random shorts; a late start where you have to return to Ladbrook Park because half way to the Spittle Shield you remember that you have left your clubs in your locker; and finally it requires a sausage and egg sandwich with ropey sausages and a rock solid egg washed down with a cup of coffee that almost made the TD boil over with disgust and throw it back at the bar tender, whom we had waited about 15 minutes to serve us.
Congratulations to Noz who seemed to have brought the weather back with him from sunny Vegas where he had just been married to Nicola and serenaded by Elvis – The king is alive. It was nice to see sunshine and grass, two vital ingredients for a decent round of golf that had eluded us at the season opener at Shirley.
I was also pleased to purchase the new ‘Web Donkey, Donkey Headcover’ with funds donated from the Societies Official Bookmaker Pedro Power and hand to the President to present to The Web Donkey prior to the commencement of the Spittle Shield. The Web Donkey Headcover has been given to Simon the GS Web Donkey in recognition of outstanding Web Donkey Work. I believe there are rules and restrictions relating to the Headcover that will be confirmed by the Captain in due course.
Everyone seemed to be in good spirits as we made the way to the first tee, perhaps apart from Millers who had cheakily attempted to hide an incorrect shirt under a jumper despite the boiling temperature – this type of conduct doesn’t get past the 2010 WHVGS Board, probably the best board so far and voted for by you the members, and therefore chomping at the bit the President retrieved the penultimate shirt from stock, a XXL and provided it to Millers who paid £15 for the pleasure – As a reminder orders are now being taken for the new ‘Nike Dri-Fit’ WHV Shirts, please speak directly with the President to order yours, how many do you want Millers?
Noz in the Orange, Bruce in the Yellow and Millers in his new £15 XXL
Golf balls were thrown up on the first tee to determine the groups who would play for the Spittle Shield. I was first off alongside Bacon and Beggles and just managed to get my tee ball over the lake, reminding myself of the session the night before as I leant down to pick up my tee and regurgitated the taste of the final Jamo. Being in the first group has it’s own set of chores, responsibility for the new WHV Markers including the brand new Big Dog Headcover which was to be competed for on the 13th with the WHV Shark waiting for the signature island green 18th. I had wandered who playing partner Beggles was when I first arrived, failing to recognize him with a full beard, it occurred to me that he may be grooming himself for the role of the President in the future. The second group consisted of a spectrum of WHV coloured shirts – Bruce in the Yellow, depicting current OoM leader, Noz in the Orange for winning the Last Major and Millers in the regular blue, albeit a bit baggy at XXL. The President, The TD, The Web Donkey and Coops would make the final group – On hearing about my triumph after the round the official starter asked me ‘who the bloke in the shorts was’, he had overheard a story of chest hair grooming on the first tee and had hastily left, ‘is he for real’ the starter asked! (he was referring to the TD by the way)
The course was in pretty good condition and the scoring was pretty good too. My playing partners Bacon and Beggles played pretty well, Beggles took a few holes to get warmed up and then started scoring really well, his right finger was causing him a few issues from an injury he got whilst punching an 18 year old in the face during a friendly 5-a-side match last week! Bacon was pretty consistent all the way round. I only wish I had accepted his offer of sun cream on the 6th tee, that way I wouldn’t be nursing some severe redness and would have avoided being referred to as a typical british yob by the wife when I revealed my pasty white body with red arms, face and neck.
Player Rep on the way to a clean sweep at the Spittle. Pictured here with the new Big Dog Marker (supplied courtesy of The Players Rep and Brown & Cooper Ltd)
For me the Spittle Shield came alive on the Back 9, turning in 4 over par I knew I needed to make my move and 5 pars (1 of them a nett bogey) and 4 birdies on the back 9 would be enough. Chatting with the TD across the 13th to the 12th fairway I had agreed to jump into the lake if he got past the longest drive marker, before releasing his longest drive effort he took his shoes and socks off ‘to connect with mother earth and to recharge his chi’, Unfortunately ‘he gave it to much right toe’ and ended up on the 12th, way short of the target to my relief! My drive on the 13th landed on the cart path which launched it close to 400 yards and set up the first of the 4 birdies, the sand iron into 15 foot on the 18th secured the WHV Shark, the final birdie and 35 points, enough to win my first WHV Tournament since the Amy Austin in 2008 (I think).
The signature 18th hole at West Midlands Golf Club. 7 Sociey Balls ended up in the drink!
It was a brilliant tournament and I am delighted to have won the Stein, which now sits on the mantle piece at home – well until the wife moves it again anyway. Thank you to Noz for his efforts, it’s just a shame he forgot to wear the WHV Green Jacket to the event, still we all like to enjoy the odd tipple of decent Port! The official payouts of the event were as follows: 1st & £18 The Players Rep, 2nd & £12 The Web Donkey. Longest Drive WHV Big Dog & £5 The Players Rep. Nearest The Pin WHV Shark & £5 The Players Rep.
