The Donk was surrounded by Scousers in a cloudy Tenerife for the first Major of the year, so all that follows is taken from emails received…
Millers won the morning’s half Minor “Par 3” challenge and has documented the event in a way that only he can
Millers took this one
At the Double for Miller Following Par 3 Success
Stunning victory is overshadowed by yet more Board-level shenanigans
Once more near perfect conditions, bright skies and 25 degree + temperatures formed the backdrop to Millers second success of the season, a simply stunning exhibition of par 3 perfection around what amounted to a windy swimming pool. The Players Club just outside Bristol was the venue, and the ‘Water Garden’ had been cleverly crafted into a short yet very challenging par 3 course. Only not that cleverly as the greens has been carved out of fields on the edge of a lake and the tees perched precariously on the side of 30% gradients.
Anyway, the event constituted our 4th official event of the season, and a second victory of the season for the Boy Miller. Typically magnanimous and gracious when questioned after his victory Miller stated:
“No-one has won twice this season. Apart from me. It’s a bit like Formula 1 only there have been 5 WHV events and not 6 Grand Prixs, and rather than 6 different winners we have had one person who has won twice already. Me.”
Asked whether he felt the WHV Order of Merit and financial rewards he has accumulated so far this season reflected his unique achievements on the course, Miller, typically humble and grateful for all that the Board do for the good of the Society, he stated:
“At one point on Saturday I had won literally 50% of the total events on the whole tour so far this year, with family commitments preventing me from competing in 1 of the 2 events I hadn’t won. Despite this I was 5th on the order of ‘merit’ and had won a grand total of about £12.50. I would have been better off thinning a single wedge and fluking a drive to win a couple of sharks or dogs or whatever they are.”
During the lunch interval the Society took on Board some comments from the Boy Juicey Lucy Bonus who has played 1 event with another society, finished SECOND and won more for that than he got for winning the order of ‘merit’ and entire season at WHV. It is no wonder that players are looking at new horizons under these circumstances, although the exclusively and entirely gay nature of the other society in this particular case may be more of a factor than financial justice. Despite this ridiculous situation Miller would not let the ongoing saga gripping the Board to prevent him from focussing on the golf:
“I’m not sure what is happening with the Board.” Again refusing to let the issue cloud some superb shooting on the par 3 course where he accumulated 25 points in 9 holes, Miller went on, “Clearly something is not right. I can only assume a collective attack of conscience. Bathing in your mates cash is fine for a while before the inevitable scrap-age guilt kicks in. It appears that we are not the only victims of this continuing scandal, the Board have turned on each other and collapsed under the weight of sustainable funding model corruption.”
Once more committed to providing details of his stunning victory where Miller collected 2 pars, 6 bogeys and a blob on the tricky course to win by 1 point from Dick Hall and a further point from Brucie Bonus who was third, he finished up by commenting:
“Things are really starting to get out of hand with the Board and financial skulduggery. Even with all that is going on and the attention that I have brought to bear on these issues, at one point on Saturday one Board Member (fresh back from an expensive foreign trip), handed the President £60 for the ‘sustainable funding model’ saying it was actually £110 due to some money (one can only assume £50) being given to another Board member earlier in the day.”
