Donk Donks the 2014 Donk Download

Due to the convoluted mechanics of the 2014 Presidents, the society gathered again at the Warwickshire to contest the 2014 Web Donk Download. For the first time, the event and the spectacular giant golden goblet would be going somewhere else other than the home of the TD as ‘Daddy’s Winners Cup’. Not unusually this year, the TD managed to plan a calendar that saw snow cancel his early February event, the first major clash with the FA Cup final, and now an event he’s won back to back coincided with a family holiday. Don’t even ask about the timing of his better half’s 40th and the singles at the Ryder Cup. Anyway, the day started with a queue at the petrol pump for the Donk ahead of picking up Pete and the Pres from the Presidential Residence – apparently this was a good job for the President as he managed to lock himself into his own porch whilst the first lady was in the shower – resulting in a bit of a wait to get him released. Part of the deal meant that there was no ‘standard’ bacon roll – which allowed some of us to go off piste and order from the menu in the clubhouse – the bacon and egg baguettes were top notch, as was Dougal’s club sandwich and chips – and if Noz had arrived in plenty of time, he’d have been able to get in gluten free. Mike was certainly regretting the lack of the standard bacon – he managed to eat 4 Frosties bars on the front nine – and he was heartbroken to learn that Boycie’s costco sized tub of tangfastic haribo had been devoured by the time our group caught theirs on the 9th tee.

Noz is LOVING watching Boycie eat that Bacon and Egg Baguette

A varied field again, great for the society – we saw the return of the other Neil – who’s actually a local and now we have his email address, we might see him again outside of Portugal. We also saw Mr Harding again – apparently only Millers calls him Boycie, he’d rather be called Steve I imagine. He volunteered Magnum – not too bad, but way too cool. Given his other main hobby and the issue of some of our members, we should look at some form of Horse moniker – let’s let Rob pick a handle for the Horse Whisperer who owns major tracts of land around Solihull. We saw Woolly again, still looking emaciated, and sporting a Rory driver – one with the bit missing from the back. Excellent to note that Nelly Neil has an even worse habit than lovely Mike for congratulating people on their ‘shot’ that turns out to be a major hook, slice or duff. Apparently this got under the skin of Bruce, who wasn’t having a great day. Noz had a terrible day – once again he’s turning out very bad scores as he prepares for our own version of the Fed Ex playoffs. He always denies having this much control over his game – perhaps this is true, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Noz turning in another 40,40,40 weekend at the high stakes conclusion of the season. Adam, one of the form players of the season with his new bats and lessons, was pulling a very special trick – he’d been into work before the 11am tee off and was charging his client for a full day of work. The Actual Golf We were round the Earl’s again – a tough track, but we weren’t looking at terrible weather (there was a short shower only). I’ve dug out one of my old tracking sheets for this event to see how things unfolded. After four holes Woolly and Doug were in the lead with 8 points. The Pres and I were in last place with just 3 points – my worst start in WHV history I’d wager – I didn’t do well – getting to the turn in 49 and 13 points. Not last anymore, that was Noz and Nelly, but I was 8th – 5 points behind Woolly and Adam. Woolly lead from 1st to the 12th – and was 2nd until the last, which he blobbed and dropped to 6th. Boycie took the lead on the 13th, and was also 2nd up to the last, but he got a single point and finished 5th. The Pres was also 2nd after the 17th, but managed to score better on the last to sneak 4th. Adam had been sharing the lead on and off throughout the round, and was out front as late as the 14th – but lost out on 2nd on countback to the Prof Pete was playing good, if inconsistent golf, much to his annoyance – too many blobs. He shared the lead on the 12th, and was in 6th after the 17th, but holed a spectacular chip on the last to sweep into 2nd with 33 points. After a terrible front nine, I managed to come home in 39 – despite a very annoying three putt from 12 feet on the 16th – scoring 23 points and leading from the 15th to finish with 36 off 16. I’ve managed to drop 3 shots off my handicap since the start of the season, but there’s still some way to go to match the WHV caps before the Great Reform. My form is strong – probably too strong, after giving Dougal 4 shots for the Jug in Portugal – as much as I fancy the links challenge at the end of the year, I can’t give chancers like Doug, Mike and Noz too many shots! Since missing the 2013 Pedro for a Scouse Wedding, I’ve gone W-2-2-2-3-W-5-W – good detail ahead of the Pedro Power specials for the Masters – I know Dougal is into the science of the betting. After the Round It was interesting to see the President, formerly a technophobe, obsessing over his new smart phone and the progress of his Japanese Boy Crush at the PGA. Despite poor form, the society did well with the betting, but we would have done much much better if Fowler hadn’t done a WHV and 3 stabbed the 18th. Also, Dougal was able to finally confirm that Vijay Singh from Fiji wasn’t an Asian in the eyes of Paddy Power (or Bet Victor) or whatever site he has his wedge parked with at the moment. We started to collect preferences for shirt orders for our next order – typically, Adam wanted cotton like the oldest vintage, rather than the natty polywonder stuff everyone else prefers. Do let me or Doug know your preferred size if you want a new WHV shirt. Members were also seeing abuse coming in from Millers in Portugal – crowing about winning some international darts tournament against some 12 year olds – Magnum needs to send me the picture of him collecting his certificate with the other ‘winners’ in his Benidorm-style resort – webdonkey@whvgolf.com please. Here’s the formal bit: The captain won (his 6th title, and third in the last 8 starts – taking all of £10 for the glory. Pete was the runner up, winning a fiver. The donk took the shark with a wedge to two feet on the 17th – my 11th Shark in 55 events. The prof took his second ever (in 57 events) Big Dog with a 252 yard melter on the tough 8th. The next event sees us going into the pressure cooker end of the tour – the almighty PEDRO on the 6th September, round a special track and managing to tempt Ronno back to the society to defend his title and face endless abuse about a missing match report. To underline the sheet amount of points we’ll be contesting over the next three events – I’ve got a 20 point lead in the OoM after playing very well all year, winning twice – including a Major. The winner of the PEDRO will get 48 points – more than half of what I’ve accrued in 5 events. We’re expecting 14 or 16 for the Amy – which will see the winner get 56 or 64 points. The jug will go for 84 or 96 points. It is really all to play for this year.