The TD won this one round a pretty shoddy course near Telford, chosen by Bacon. The winner got the date of the event wrong in his report.
Match Report – The Spoonholder’s Salver – 3rd September 2012
The cream again rises to the top…
Eight hardy souls recently braved the seeming threat of torrential rain for only the second ever Spoonholder’s Salver event.
The twelve confirmed participants had been whittled down to the hardy core during the course of the preceding week, having a cited a variety of lame excuses – apart, that is, from the Aust, who had given no reason for his absence.
The travel arrangements had been significantly altered for this event due to the inability of the Solihull contingent to organise the requisite amount of vehicles for the journey to Telford. The Knowle arrangements were therefore tweaked to incorporate a quick foray across the border to allow one of the Solihull number to travel Knowle stylie – coffee and toasties featuring heavily.
The new arrangements seemed to be working well until communication was received from the Idiot about the need to travel in convoy. This resulted in possible the most tortuous series of moves seen to the Society which included 1. Parking in the staff car park of a large hotel 2. Parking in the main car park of a large hotel 3. Noz exiting the vehicle for a poo in a large hotel 4. A lady being spoken to in the car park of a large hotel – with no known claims of harassments resulting 5. Butters driving seemingly aimlessly around the car park of a KFC adjacent to the large hotel.
Having rejoined the motorway after what seemed like about an hour at the large hotel, the Idiot was then sighted and a series of ridiculous convoy moves followed, most of which took Robert way beyond his comfort zone of 62mph on the way to the golf course.
The bacon sarnies took too long to arrive and were still being consumed on the first tee before the society were confronted by about six groups forming disconcertingly close behind them The balls were thrown and the game was on.
Several of the members were clearly feeling very confident, with Noz, Idiot, Donk, Juice and Baxter having all backed themselves prior to the fist ball being struck.
The course was more than a little waterlogged and the predictable references to World War One battlesites soon began. Early rumours were that the Donk had bagged two birdies in the first few holes and Adam began to rack up some impressive early points.
The sun began to shine and the members marvelled at how all tour events this year had been blessed with the weather.
Robert instigated a competition amongst the second fourball whereby nearest the pin would be played for win units referred to as tits – and the TD upped the ante on weird banter by asking Butters if he would consider a very strange request.
The shark was contested on seven and the TD flighted in a soaring five iron with a nice little draw to claim the spoils from arch-rival Noz. This also involved him bagging a tit – lovely.
At the turn, Adam had led a mighty charge, having racked up 20 points and looked set to go on and win.
Longest drive took place on fourteen and Nozzle played with true flair by claiming the Dog and five bob from GambleGibbon for outdriving the TD.
Approaching the close, the swampy conditions had clearly taken their toll and the long par-five seventeenth saw the most woeful display of WHV golf seen in a long time. After what seemed like 45 minutes to play the hole, the TD carded the best score of the group – with a 7.
The idiot introduced the 18-inch seven iron and much effort was made to play for a tit with this club although nobody met the criteria of either finding the green or the fairway.
Both the TD and the Idiot hit good drives up eighteen. The TD played his second with a wedge from about 120 out and found the greenside rough. The idiot played his second from about 105 with the… 18-inch seven iron… and hit possibly the best shot of the day straight at the pin, which checked and came to rest within 10 feet – stunning.
On calculating the scores, the second group had trounced the first and the TD emerged as victor with 40 points, running Adam to a close second.
The clubhouse saw the customary presentation and another notable example of WHV thievery, with the addition of the WHVGS salver mount to society assets.
All in all, a good end to a great season and we look forward to the AGM & Social in either Bristol, Manchester, Nottingham or……Birmingham. The only real remaining question being which Casino the Pres chooses to take us to.
Entrants:
| Ad | Juice |
| TD | Pres |
| Butters | Nozzle |
| Donk | Idiot |
