I have a lot of shots from this event, all will go into the Tour Souvenir…
TD confounds his rivals…
The sun again shone on the WHVGS righteous as they massed for the inaugural Web Donk Download.
The Donk, almost late for his own event, strode across the car park and the membership gained sight of one of the more, um…distinctive WHVGS trophies, which it is fair to say would not look out of place in a gypsy caravan…one owned by a poor and possibly visually impaired family of gypsies that is.
Banter commenced immediately with Nozzle negotiating enhanced odds on himself with GambleGibbon for the shark and then betting on Aust at 11/2. Bruce actually wore the jacket and he is correct – it really doesn’t fit him, whilst Miller paid up with a few quid on himself and former WHVGS metronome Butters. Associated other wagers were placed and the scene was set for another underperformance from the TD, topped by lining the pockets of his so-called mates.
The route from the excellent bacon rolls to the tee was via the pro shop and the TD noticed a couple of nice Galvin Green jumpers and announced to the field that, should he do well, he would be buying one. Milmore mocked the TD for this statement and play began.
The first 2 groups all drove well, with Nozzle choosing the sensible option of not loading up his first tee shot with a boxfresh Pro V1 and the final group prepared for their shots…a poorer series of which you are not likely to witness. Pick of the poor was the TD, who had decided to load up a boxfresh Pro V1 and duck hook it left into the waist high grass…then proceeded to do exactly the same with his second. The following society, who were amassed behind the tee let out a groan and the scene was set for a long round.
Aust got off to a flying start over the first few holes, whilst the TD was delving deep into the golfing box of magic – black magic that is. Having almost missed the ball with a seven iron at the short par three, the TD was feeling as though he had received an arm transplant during the night.
Things began to look even gloomier for the beleaguered TD when Nozzle, who was playing in the group ahead, announced that he was in contention for the shark – and suddenly the negotiation of odds to 5/1 seemed like a very rash decision. GambleGibbbon should not however have worried as Aust popped one slightly inside the previous mark to claim the Shark.
The course was in great nick and the conditions perfect for scoring, with the Aust continuing his assault on the title, racking up an impressive number of points despite the relatively errant play from his partners. The group confronted the ignominy of calling a fourball through, who subsequently gave the TD a very strange look as he proceeded to R4 for the Prof by throwing a ball into a copse which settled in an almost unplayable lie at the base of a tree.
It was at about that time that a very strange thing began to happen…the TD began to string together more than one solid shot at a time and quietly but consistently began to piece together some very good scoring.
Notably, the TD’s driving form had also returned and he felt good limbering up for the dog hole…despite the fact that the pro shop had recommended a hole where you could not actually see the fairway– nice work boys. By his own admission, the TD hit one pretty much as far as he can – and it was straight !
When the fairway eventually came into sight, the marker was sitting in the dead centre at approximately 310 yards – 15 yards further than the TD – although not marked with a name. Had the previous groups placed it there symbolically or had somebody pulled off a wonder drive ? It transpired that Bruce had nailed one beyond the 300 mark, although this marked only a slight disappointment for the TD who continued to fire well, amassing a second gross birdie of the day on 17.
The Pres consulted the card on the 18th tee and outlined that both Aust and the TD were headed for 40-plus stapleforth points (it should be pointed out at this stage that the TD is no stranger to the concept of 40-plus although this far more often relates to the internet than the golf course) with Ozzle 2 points ahead. The TD was therefore playing a game against himself, against the Aust, against the course, against the prospect of Nozzle taking £27.50 from GambleGibbon, against the jumper-mocking Milmore and against everybody who has ever understimated any aspect of this great individual – it was Gregory versus the world and the stakes were high !
The TD’s great driving form temporarily deserted him and he hit a unspectacular drive up the left whilst Aust continued his resurgent driving form – surely the dream was over ? The other players had formed a greenside gallery to watch the finale when something very strange happened – Aust hit a poor second. A bolt of adrenaline hit the TD – surely this couldn’t happen could it ? Stood over a 130 yard approach, with water guarding the green on the left, the TD elected to play wedge, factoring in both that he was already one hell of a boy but also that he was a little wired with excitement…backswing…would he find the water on the left, would he thin it right into the crowd, would he miss the ball a la Pedro a few holes earlier ?? Of course, none of those – he would flight a majestic shot into the heart of
the green – the game was truly on.
Never one to concentrate too much, the TD promptly visited the crowd to discover that there had already been 40 upwards scores posted but that the title was likely to be settled by himself or the Aust, who had taken 4 to reach the green. First putt from the TD was signified by a partial misread and another bolt of adrenaline, which took it six feet past – surely the TD could not make the return putt ?
Oh he could, he really flipping could – he could, he could, he could. Overcome by emotion, he wheeled away, circling the crowd and shouting in jubilation. Aust made 6 and the TD had won on countback with 43 points – although in a strange later twist, the Pres conceded that he had mismarked the card and the TD had actually triumphed cleanly with 44 points – what a boy !
The Donk actually placed runner-up on countback so nudging Aust out of the spoils and the TD basked in the financial glory of winning 10 bob and of GambleGibbon being 30 quid up on the day, having taken 10 bob each from Milmore and Noz.
The trophies were presented and the TD realised that as well as the um…distinctive trophy,he had amassed a spot prize of open merchandise and the right to web banner adverts and a photoshoot…which began over (literally over) the dinner table.
Clearly, the TD promptly visited the pro shop and is now the very proud owner of a fabulous Galvin Green jumper – courtesy of GambleGibbon – Miller !
A final sweet ending was the sale of the web banners to a certain Mr Mimore for ten quid – lovely job.
