This was provided in good time by the Tour Director
Proper Golfer wins the PEDRO…
All round genius Professor Peter Ash again pulled out the stops for a fun filled day on the outskirts of London and it was therefore no surprise that 14 participants were attracted to what is now a legendary day out – although Robert was out somewhere on his pushbike…
Campo and Smithy were welcomed back into the fold as the eager golfers began to arrive at The Shire…with both Donk and Ronno sporting retro Slazenger jerseys in a nod to another genius, who had designed the course.
Upon the arrival of the TD, Butters, Ronno and Noz, the latter of whom had paid £25 for Butters to provide chauffeuring service. Peter was already ensconced in a corner of an ante-room taking a variety of weird and wonderful bets.
Having seen off their very tasty bacon rolls and parted with 60 bob, to include competition fee, the society progressed to the putting green where the groupings were announced – the final group was, as usual, decided from the level of betting and obviously consisted of Peter & Ronno. Relatively predictably, they were joined by Miller, with a far less likely Aust making up the fourball. It transpired that the usually sensible gambling Aust had punted 60 quid to secure a seat in Ron’s buggy, upon finding out that this was his only option to avoid walking…
The usual fine format was circulated to the groups and the scoring was brought into the 21st century with the employment of a smartphone app to create a live virtual leaderboard…game on !
The course was in very tidy nick and the conditions were pretty favourable, with each group able to track some pretty competitive scoring.
The TD had set off in the first group, with Donk and the Pres and banter was lively…very few conversations were sensible and drew heavily on Gym Milfs, Taxi Porn and Big Cocks for subject matter…
Despite putting like an upper-limb amputee, the TD was racking up some points and began to post a decent score…with talk of Campo and Ronno also playing well. Both Donko and the TD put it on the dancefloor at the shark hole, with the Pres succumbing to Ash’s splashes twice…although ultimately Bacon took home the headcover…or NOT, as the case may be.
As defending champion of the Dog, the TD stood on the 16th tee and was informed that the Dog would be contested at the long par 5. Anybody with an ounce of sense would have preserved their burgeoning score and applied a sensible swing…but the TD wasn’t in the least bit scared of all that…and so attacked the ball like a madman…blocking it 40 yards right – into the hay – and ultimately hacked the length of the hole to make a non-scoring 8.
Imagine therefore the TD’s delight when, upon arriving at the 18th tee, he was greeted by the plaque which proclaimed that to be the real Dog hole. The swing was a little more sensible this time, but the result wasn’t great – finding the bank of a greenside bunker, whilst the Dog would ultimately claimed by Adam.
Having made 5 for 37 points, all the TD could do was to wait. The Pres had birdied the last, but wasn’t going to trouble the leaderboard and the Donk had also carded an earlier birdie, hitting an 8-iron tee shot to 3 feet, which bizarrely had plugged on the green.
The electronic scoreboard indicated that Campo had dropped out of contention for the lead, although the TD almost choked on his ice cold Amstel when Donk revealed that Ronno has eagled 16…5 shots fewer than the TD had taken !!!
It went to the wire, with Ronno needing to birdie 18…although the now Scratch golfer had been having somewhat of a birdie blitz…so it was eminently possible. However, it seemed that Severiano was smiling at the TD that day…with Ronno making par for 36 points and TD triumphing by a shot to return to winning ways and claim his fourth WHVGS Major Trophy.
Cue the tallying of the fines for the day…providing a consolation to Ron by the way of 56 quid cash. This was followed by the collation of the Pedro Power book, which provided Noz with a nice little touch for his £3 e/w bet on the TD at 20-1 and no return for Aust on his £60 wagering. Finally, proceedings were topped off by the Matchplay Simulator…which netted the TD £25 cash…and saw Aust having the last chuckle, winning £10 from the result.
Next stop Wales for the Amy Austin…and then the big one !!
Players: TD, Donk, Pres, Ron, Nozzle, Aust, Miller, Campo, Smithy, Boyce, Ads, Woolly, Butters, Peter.
