It’s August and Summer is supposed to be here, but even though the MET office has issued weather warnings for rain and thunderstorms all week, there are 9 of us due to play the Donk Download, at The Welcome, Stratford, but unfortunately Swiss Tony Hall is unwell and has dropped out on the morning so we are just 8.
The host, and WHV Captain, Simon (Donk) has set out from his current London Gaff at 09:00hrs, in order to be able to collect his clubs, and be in Stratford for his coffee & bacon roll by 12:00hrs or by 13:00hrs at the latest for the first tee slot. News filters through that he may be cutting it fine due to traffic, Robbie speaks with the pro shop and sorts it so that we have until 13.22hrs to tee off, but there was no need to worry, everyone makes it for 12:50.
The balls are thrown up and the groups are decided, in group one with the buggy duo of Ronno (Aaron) and Noz (William) are the Pres (Doug) and Donk (Simon) and in the second group are Rob (Idiot), Martin (Catto), Greggs (KW) and your truly Boyce (Steve)
It seems Ronno even with his WHV-1 handicap is playing to it and he eagles the first for 4 points but that isn’t the biggest points haul on the first as the highest handicapper in group two, Idiot, off 19 also eagles the first for 5 points and starts as he means to go on.
So, after the first, Idiot led Ronno by 1 point and after the second, he led Noz by a point, who’d opened with par, par.
After three holes Idiot was on 8 points and was a point ahead of Noz and Ron.
After four holes Idiot had 11 points, 2 clear of the buggy buddies, Noz & Ronno on 9 points.
After five holes Idiot was on 14 points, three clear of Noz on 11 (and six ahead of Boyce).
After six holes and Idiot is on 16 points and still three clear of Noz, 18 points thru seven and still 3 up on Noz.
Both blobs the eighth but Ron shaved a point after sticking his drive in the drink to be just three back also. 21 points going out, 3 ahead of Boyce who came in strong after getting 4 on the first 4 holes.
On holes ten, eleven & twelve Idiot and Boyce match and add 8 points. Rob is now on 29 thru twelve holes and still leading by three. Boyce struggles on thirteen & fourteen adding just 3 points vs. Idiot’s six.
Idiot is now on 34 points after fourteen holes, and looking at a real chance of breaking Bruce’s all time WHV stapleforth record. A lead of 6 with four to play.
Unfortunately, Idiot blobs the easy fifteenth and Boyce halves the lead.
Boyce takes a point back on the sixteenth up the hill as Rob takes a 7. Still – he’s on 35 with two holes to play.
He then blobs the seventeenth whilst Boyce pars and takes the lead with just one hole to Play. Boyce has not used the driver all round and the eighteenth is the dog hole and fortunately for him there is room to put it out to the right.
Idiot hit a great drive but left of the marker pole and when we get over the brow of the hill, he finds that it has skipped out left onto the road and out of bounds and he picks up so blobs the last as well.
Boyce manages to par and finish first on 39 points 4 ahead of Idiot who managed to only score 1 point on the last 4 holes buts still hangs on to 2nd place.
Final results
Donk won the shark (again)
Ronno won the Dog
1st Boyce on 39 points
2nd Idiot 35 points
3rd Donk 34 points
