Q: Pres, back on the winning trial – you’ve got to be happy seeing off three of the form golfers of the year in Bacon, TD and Noz. And you’ve won another non-conventional event. Do you think your flat track bully game is better suited to these types of events, or does it just come down to the fact you were getting shots all over the place and had some consistency for once?

Interesting question Donk. It’s partly about an individual’s approach to the game of golf, but it runs deeper than that. It is basically a metaphor for life choices in general. Those people, (with no flair), who are happy to broadly play to their handicap with no ambition, use a 5 iron off the tee, dolly it around, with a safety first approach to course management rarely prosper in events that require panache. Whereas a few, myself included, have a no holds barred, full hammer approach to such things. Whether you are a high or low handicapper, you’ve got to stand on every tee aiming for a par or better –  so it’s boom, belt a driver off the tee regardless of the how tight it is, (you’ve got to back yourself to deliver), it’s about tiger lines and none of this lay-up nonsense. It’s about living on the golfing edge, that’s the way to win, however it is difficult to put a full round in without incurring a few blobs along the way using this tactic. So events designed for natural champions, with a touch of swagger, such as the Matchplay and the Skins suits a man who goes for his shots. He who dares Donk, he who dares, wins.

As for the victory, I was confident even before the draw – I backed myself to win the Matchplay with GambleGibbon and ultimately did it the hard way. I had the toughest draw possible and beat the current Tour leader and King of the Majors (the TD), 2nd in the OoM (Nozza) and 3^rd in the OoM (Juice – the Green Jacket holder, although I for one didn’t see the Jacket at any stage during the day, did you?) on the way to victory.

Q: Did the Corporate Freebie prove crucial in working out any kinks in the Presidential swing? Have you taken your new hat off yet?

Some of our Member’s with limited natural talent have to base their game on the drills drummed into them when they were young and they practice, adopting a conservative approach to the game, such as 5 irons off the tee, whereas my game is built on raw ability, but no practice. So when I do have the opportunity to get a few rounds under my belt, I quickly start to score well – hence the Amy Austin and two day CJ weekenders suit me. Prior to the Matchplay, I had been lucky enough to spend two days at the superb (albeit soggy) Gleneagles complex, so this was effectively day three for me and yes, the 2014 Ryder Cup course and The Kings course at Gleneagles were enough of a challenge to set me up for the test of Stonebridge.

The 2014 hat is currently off, but it has been cleaned.

Q: The Web Donk loves the matchplay and is still fuming after capitulating on a couple of short putts and leaving the door open for Pedro to steam through with some Hollywood putting when he needed it in the morning match. Who are you happy that you didn’t have to face on your road to victory – from those who made it there, and those who didn’t or who were playing in the massive society event at the same time on the same course?

The WHVGS Matchplay Day is a well thought out, asset to the calendar and I was delighted to beat the 3 form men on Tour to take the title this year.

From what I hear, you stormed the last 18 holes with c.45 Stapleforth points and Pete had his match play head on all day, but I was nailing my driver all day and sank a few putts – I was happy to take on all comers.

As for the no shows, Rob is getting closer to a more appropriate handicap these days and when he gets to 18+ he will be more competitive, although he doesn’t really have the required elements to his the game to perform at the more creative events, which must be why he avoids them. It would be good to see Ronno and Coops back on the circuit, but with a mini Ronno due shortly and Coops’ wedding to pay for etc… they have missed a few in 2012, but I hope that they are back for the endurance test that is the President’s in July. Millers only really has the game for the minor Minors, such as the Par 3 half Minor round that patch of waste ground with comedy golf balls, which is why he chose to avoid the man’s game that is the Matchplay event. It was a shame not to see Campo, he is due a good round one of the these days.

Q: Talk us through your view of the controversy at the crucial 8th hole. It was noted that your view of the ruling was backed up by Curt and Bacon, both noted experts on golf and not at all blokes who can’t remember one shot from the next. Are you expecting a long campaign of recrimination from the (ex-)captain? He was certainly massively confident during the morning round.

The 8^th was a shame and put a bit of an dampener on things, but there was no real drama. I was one up with two to play. Nozza drove off first – putting his 140 yards short into some long stuff before a brook. I took out the driver, (obviously), but drifted one into a bush in the middle of a yellow staked water hazard. Noz suggested that I take a provisional, but I said there was no need, I was in a hazard and so would take a drop. On inspection, (not unexpectedly), the ball could not be found within the hazard or in the surrounding area, but I was happy that it was within the yellow stakes, hidden in the bush or the drink. Curt and Bacon were consulted as independent adjudicators (one of which is a Board Member) and they were both happy that it was in the hazard. Therefore not requiring an R4, I dropped for a one-shot penalty, behind the hazard, at the point where the ball last crossed the margin of the hazard, as agreed. I then put my 3^rd on the edge of the green. Nozza, put his third into a green side bunker and it was still game on, but unfortunately he then thinned one over a hedge and lost it. Which was effectively game over. Not ideal and under the circumstances it felt like was a slightly hollow victory, but it was all above board and I had been playing well on most the holes, belting drives and draining putts – Nozza had mentioned during the round that I was in “Unplayable form”, so I am sure that everything is okay now. However, the next event is the President’s when the President’s Team takes on the Captain’s team, so the rivalry will be stoked again…

Q: Finally, Matchplay Champion is a proud title, but it comes without a trophy or responsibility. Even Noz gets to try and remember the Spitfire for next year. Do you feel that your victory was cheapened a little by there being just an 8 man field  -no Aust to defend his title, no Ron to decimate the opposition, no Coops to smoke his way round, no mercurial Millers to delight with his filthy mind – I could go on, but I like leaving Rob out as he doesn’t seem to like playing the matchplay events, it’s probably not proper golf according to him. So, yeah, Matchplay Champ of half the society, in the words of every single post sporting interview that we’ll hear all summer from inane BBC Olympic interviewers – how does that feel?

Quite right – Reigning Matchplay Champion is an important title and has a nice ring to it. It could do with a Trophy of some sort, but to be quite honest I don’t need any “quality antique glassware” which seems to be the current order of the day, so it all worked out quite nicely.

As for the event being cheapened by the lack of some jokers, utter nonsense. To be clear, the field contained;

All of the past OoM winners (the Star / Flame holders),

The last 5 Green Jacket winners,

The top 5 Ranking Points winners of all time

The 2012 Tour leader, The current King of the Majors, 2nd,  3rd and 4th in the 2012 OoM, and I beat 1st (and current KoTM),  2nd and 3rd head to head – What more could I do?

I know Aust loves the Matchplay, but his general performances have been consistently mediocre of late and his commitment has gone. The lure of a Hodgesonless West Brom, holidays timed to miss Majors and attendance at summer garden parties with his new mates in the Home Counties timed to clash with the Matchplay seem to have taken hold. I fear we have lost him. He was once a stalwart, but he has only played 2 of the 6 events thus far in 2012, so I doubt that we will see him much in the future. If he can’t be bothered to spend some time with his mates whilst he lives locally, I doubt we will see him much when he’s got a bit of a commute to each event…. Let’s hope Aust bucks his ideas up!

Q: Actually, do you think I need to ask the TD some questions about winning the Horn, he seemed a little upset that I missed him out? These will go into the Tour Souvenir as part of the record of the day, so capturing his frontier gibberish to match up to that of Millers could be important historical details.

Yes, get the TD involved, perhaps you could ask him what he thought of the current Green Jacket holder’s attire prior to the Brissle (minus the Green Jacket, again), or the dude on the Harley and are you going to ask Miller for some insightful words on the morning Half Minor, round the “Water Garden”/ quarry area, or whatever it was?

WHVGOLF.COM: Captain, it’s been a long time since you savoured the sweet taste of victory, how are you feeling?

William Spittle: Delighted, being honest I’ve been expecting a win for a little while now. I’m probably 2-3 shots over handicapped at the minute but I hope to get back down to around 18 by the end of the season.

WHVGOLF.COM: The Web Donk was witness to the ding dong battle between you and the TD, and saw how visibly deflated you were at that chip in on the 18th – did you really want to murder him at that point? More than you would do anyway…

William Spittle: I wouldn’t say deflated, I still had a 12 foot putt to make a gross birdie on the 18^th. I was pretty sure that making the putt would mean a win for me and that if I missed Gregs would probably win. The only person who was close to a punch in the face was Mike who decide to start shouting abuse when I was addressing the putt. Very poor etiquette once again and I can understand why Aust threatened to lamp him on the 18^th at the PEDRO last year. He needs to learn how to behave on a golf course.

WHVGOLF.COM: What was sweeter – winning the prestigious minor or taking Gamble Gibbon for nearly two pairs of Hi Tec shoes?

William Spittle: The 5 pound win bet I had on myself at 15/2 made it even sweeter, but I have to say getting back on the winning trail was more important to me.

WHVGOLF.COM: How much of the edge was taken off seeing the TD completely forget about Gamble Gibbon as ‘Come on Neptune son’ nosed the National?

William Spittle: None at all, I was pleased for him.

WHVGOLF.COM: Is this the start of Noz bouncing back? Will you be up there challenging Bacon for titles, rather than leading the chorus of ‘Boring Boring Bacon’ as has been the case throughout the handicap anomaly that has given him two stars?

William Spittle: I expect to be there or thereabouts come the end of the season, the chants of boring boring Bacon will continue until he stops being boring and adds a bit of flair to his game..

WHVGOLF.COM: Finally, any message for the readers of WHVGolf.com, as victor of the (PR) Skins 2012?

William Spittle: Just 2 people, Aust and Pete who both let themselves down this weekend. Very disappointing from them both.

Avid readers might note that there was no whvgolf.com interview with the winner of the Gibbon. This was an editorial decision taken mainly in view of the semi-literate match report and general lack of excitement that accompanies any wins by Juice – he is the big hitting Bacon.

Readers should note that the views expressed here reflect those of one Mr Paul Milmore, and not whvgolf.com, or the WHV GS, or it’s board, or membership, clearly.

So Paul, congratulations on winning the 2012 curtain raiser, it’s been a while since we saw you in the winners circle. It was as comprehensive a victory as we’ve seen on tour for a while, beating the field by 9 points. How does that feel?

Rob Hall likes to touch me inappropriately

First things first, as this was a three club challenge, which three magic bats did you select to give you a 42 point haul? Talk us through the tactics of your club selection – did you review the course and specific holes before deciding?

I like it when Rob Hall touches me inappropriately

Two birdies in the first four holes, that’s quite a start – tell us how you thought your golf was feeling at that point – we’re you dreaming of challenging Ron’s low round?

Absolutely, I agree and cannot understand the thought process that has led the President to invest such large amounts of our money in third hand, sub-prime spanish holiday let mortage debt either.

Some might say that you are now one of the tour members with a fairly ‘false’ handicap, a ‘Baconcap’ if you will. How would you respond to those people? Is the shame of having a handicap in the 20’s outweighed by the sweet taste of victory?

Bacon is a lying, cheating, bandit swine and to be mentionned in the same breath is a great honour.  I only hope that I can live up to the additional responsibility for the rest of the season.

What of this other controversy, your flagrant statements about having lessons, and ‘rebuilding my swing in the off season’? Your match report is quite open and honest on this matter, was it painful to share this detail?

Again I totally agree and once more can only ask the Board for a description of exactly what a ‘sustainable funding model’ actually is.  It is not surprising that this transparency vacuum has led society members to fill in the blanks and come up with their own answers.

It obviously worked well for the Spittle. Some members believe this is tantamount to cheating, but then they see the purchase of new bats, or shoes, or similar, as a departure from the traditions of the society, so sod them – WHVGolf.com supports your initiative and we’d be happy to promote your pro if you’re happy to share their details and how much they charge…

Another really great question and I’m glad you have raised this but until the Board have ansered the ‘rip off your mates for our own financial gain’ funding model question above, it is clearly impossible to be exactly sure what has happened to the £3,682 of members money that the President withdrew in cash from the society bank account of 24th October 2011.

Looking at the tour season that lies ahead of us – what is your ambition for the season? I know you were quite bullish in the match report, but now your blood has cooled a little, how do you really feel? More minor wins? An assault on the OoM? That elusive first Major? Or are you aiming for the ultimate poison chalice, victory at the 2012 Jug and a key say in what happens in 2013? I think we’d all be a little worried about the prospect of a pre Jug Friday night organised by Millers, especially if we’re overseas…

The Miller sweep is on.  Fact.  To those of you who say that we have been here before and why is the fool getting carried away after winning only his second minor in 5 years, then i say: you are probably right.

Apart from yourself, who are you tipping for tour success this year? Are we looking at a third year of Baconation, or is someone else going to dominate the tour? And who needs to book their ideas up?

Bacon is a genius who has single handidly arrested and reversed the tidal flow of cash from us to the Board, through devious and cheating means.  I am once more flattered and humbled by the comparision but fearful that I will not live up to this role model.

Finally, thanks for answering our questions, good luck for the season ahead – feel free to share any thoughts with our readers, and do you have the number for that 19 year old babysitter?

No thank you for this opportunity, allbeit through a top down and Board imposed piece of pointless process that has been brought in with no consultation or agreement from the wider membership.  Again.  At least it hasn’t cost be any actual cash.  This time.

So endeth the insanity, at least until the next Millers victory – here’s some more pictures – clicky to biggy

Hanging Around

I can offer 2 to 1 if you don't stake more than a pound

Bacon Spoons Us Off, Again

A Nice Sunny Day

TD misses another putt

There were a lot planes

Gathering at the 18thMoments after holing out on a 42 pointer

Beating a hasty retreat

Did everyone fill out their customer satisfaction form?

Noz presents Bacon with the shark, with his usual grace

Someone was pleased - when will he leave an event empty handed?