So for winning, he’s dropped another shot, and for failing to provide a match report – under the amendment to the constitution reported here – he’s carrying another full stroke penalty and will be off 12 around Blackwell.

In other moves – I will need to check with PK and Boyce on their Congu’s but they might have drifted up a full stroke each.

All handicaps here

I took the opportunity on the train to update the asset tracker – please have a look and update me if I have the detail wrong, or if you know of an asset that isn’t being tracked…

Also, do we want, where possible, to assign a replacement value to the items – which are all pretty much priceless, obviously, but the stewards should be aware of the financial impact that intentional damage or negligence might result in? I have provided an initial view based on google-ing similar items.

Mike – up 1 to 21

President – up 2 to 25

Gregs – up 2 to 24

More evidence of the high standard of golf in the society….Handicaps are here

Our sponsor has done us proud – no longer a slog round WMGC waiting for Millers to post 40 points with 3 bats, when he can only manage 25 with a full bag. Tomorrow we are teeing it up at a premium venue, but also a tough track for the first outing of the year. The Marriott website and twitter feed provide no clues on winter greens or tee boxes, but there may be a couple around the lake. Also, not clear if trollies are allowed or whether we are pick and place. It will not be easy tomorrow – I will be looking carefully at anyone posting 36 or more!

I have thoroughly reviewed the handicaps at the end of the 2016 tour year and believe the current handicapping system is performing well – victories are being spread around. Only those of us who spend a bit of time trying to improve our golf, or play often, have a higher likelihood of winning a close event.

As has been noted before, the only members to see a drop across they year were the Jug winner, the OoM winner, the Presidents winner and Honourable Huge of Wales – he fully accepts his WHV cap is a fiction and plays to the lower of his WHV or prevailing club handicap. A gentleman on the course, if not always in his private life.

The rest of the society needs to have a word with themselves, there seems to be a general drift towards category Z, which would be delightful but might not help if we want to play some of the better tracks in the future…

Tomorrow, we welcome 2 more boys via PK (and Hollywood, he is at pains to underline) – Stav and JP. Both are claimed to be general WHV standard hack monsters, indeed the introducing member has tried to prove that they should be introduced on 28. This is far from acceptable, and I have decided to follow standard society protocol to protect weathered veterans from upstart bandits – they will play off the standard noob cap of 24 until they return sufficient stapleforth cards to warrant an official WHV cap. Both Martin (the Cat?) and Hollywood have been through this process to land at their current playing caps.

In the table below, you will see how some lads had a bad 2016, and the difference (due to penalties) between your actual tracked handicap and what you are scored against.

Don’t forget a woolly hat, bring some spare balls, and have a good golfing 2017…

My complicated spreadsheet is now ready for the events to come, compounded as ever by having two new members.

I need to dig out the windows machine to add them to Pete’s Patented Handicap System, but for information the introducing member is trying to pull a bit of a shapers move.

PK is claiming that Stav and JP should both be off 28, and that Hollywood should take the blame if those turn out to be bandit caps. As you might imagine, I cannot in good faith, as your Captain, accept this proposal.

So, when the 2017 starting handicaps come out at the weekend, you will see what we’ll start these new members from. If they are as rubbish as PK claims, they will get their WHV handicap after returning six cards.

Firstly, the boys who have come down this year;

• Pete, as Jug winner, is going to be off 27 at the start of the year
• Hugh’s WHV number is now 18, down from 20. He’s honest enough to play off his club cap of 10 though
• I will start the year on 11, mainly because of penalties for winning events and being the OoM champion
• Tom is down from starting the year on 15, to 14 – still a few shots more than his golf mates let him claim on his posh lads tour

Adam and Bruce haven’t really played, so their handicaps are the same as at the start of the year.

Which leaves us with, everyone else, who have gone up – suggesting we’re doing well as a society!

• Mike, Martin, Rob, Boyce, Nelly, Woolly and Millers have all gone up a shot this year
• Aust, Gregs, and Noz – WHV Stalwarts to a man, are all up 2 shots. Noz will start the year off 24, creeping closer to joining Pete in Cat Z
• PK started on a bit of a false handicap of 19, and is now on 22 – we expect him to be using his Gay Hill handicap when competing next year
• The President has had a tough year off 20, by the 2nd event, all of his penalties for winning in Wales will have expired – he’s up to 23 for the start of the year
• Finally, Hollywood was made to play off 20 when he joined us this year – because he’s off 22 at Gay Hill. Our system shows that he’s nowhere near that good – Pete’s system has him at 28 after five full cards, our second Cat Z member. We also expect to see Aaron playing off his Gay Hill cap at the start of the year

The linked sheet with current handicaps should be working.

Here is the money list, and what is at stake if you don’t join us for the AGM!

My stat tracking showed we only found 14% of the fairways, but got onto 75% of Greens in Regulation and took 1.4 putts per hole.

If you click here you can see the whole round, shot by shot – they might not be the relevant clubs, but you can see how we tore the course and the opposition to pieces. Because of poor planning and sponsorship, there were no team photos, no presentation and indeed not a whiff of a trophy, but the winning team were Hopalong Mike, Bombing Baxter, Demon Donk and Parading PK (who had to leave early to get into his chaps for a gay pride parade in Leamington).

I’ve written a proper match report, I will add it shortly.

• Mike trudged off complaining of old age, so he’s still on 19
• Martin needs one more card for his 5 stapleforth rounds – good job he’s not playing the Jug off 23 or something
• Yours truly continues to bump along off 12, missing out on a podium place for the first time this year at the download
• Noz is already properly ashamed of his playing handicap of 23 – I’m sure there’s an email or WhatsApp somewhere stating he would voluntarily play the Jug off 18, but he was probably referring to the one he’ll host in Portugal next year after spanking in 120 points over the weekend off 23.
• Mr October managed to come last in another event, and saw his cap go up one stroke to 21, probably not enough for this year, but the fifth green jacket will come when his penalties expire, surely
• The previous holder of the green jacket will be very pleased to hear his handicap has crept up by a shot to 17 – it’s time for Boyce to win again, but will he manage to conveniently come 2nd again at the Masters or Amy?
• Finally, the lunatic who was lucky to win by a slender point at West Mids didn’t see a cut – his penalty for winning a major expired, and the cut for a minor – combined with some poor recent form, sees him rising to 15 for the vinegar strokes of the tour

Handicap Management, nothing ever changes….check them out on the Handicap page

I really need to move from nine spreadsheet tabs into some kind of database – adding new players is a right old pain to get all of the lovely tables working properly – not that anyone cares.

Same old story, your esrtwhile Skipper has placed 2, 1, 2 so far this year, so I’m in Yellow for the first major of the year, but noob PK, with his shiny bandit handicap, is hot on my heels after taking the TD Memorial.

As usual, controversy could be brewing though, as there’s a missing match report that should be eating into his WHVRPs at a rate of 5 points per day, but he is claiming ignorance of the law as a defence, and the introducing member isn’t accepting any kind of responsibility either. Good old WHV.

Here’s the OoM – not long til Rob’s Dog Meat Dinner, and the grand unveiling of the HELPINGROB shirt adornments