So, in no particular order;

• the reinstated TD was full of vigour, as usual, but I am not looking forward to hearing about the machinations of Heartflood, if the Andover story (and especially the secret Virgin story) are anything to go by. His golf looked as spotty as ever – spectacularly good and spectacularly random
• the President is too used to me being his chauffeur, as he was able to miss the entrance to the car park and drive up the cart path in front of the club house. Good job he could join the caravan out of the car park in the dark, especially after seeing off the foot and half of Guinness for bringing up the rear in the golf – on his way back to the brink of category Z?
• Millers was dressed for an ascent of the north face of the Eiger, when in fact we were blessed with sunshine all the way round. He was also close to bipolar on the course, mumbling and grumbling about his inconsistency and stupidity, whilst still dropping 3 birdies into the mix (which seemed to follow directly from discussions he instigated about man on man loving)
• I didn’t get to play with him, but Gibraltar Mike seemed to be full of joie de vivre following his 42nd birthday, and his brand new Mondeo estate – we heard he was eating up the course, but just kept it steady rather than delivering the goods
• Adam was a revelation – he strode up the first tee, not with the Slammer or other such hand me down, but a pristine Taylor Made Burner 2.0 in pimped out white – and he proceeded to reveal the benefits of investing in equipment. Apparently his pro looked at his old bats and said that Tiger would struggle to find the sweet spot in them. Ads was in contention through 15 holes, but succumbed to the big finish at the Welcombe (as did I, and Millers), playing good solid golf, hitting good shots, and nearly winning Noz Nob some cash from the Gibbon
• Bruce, apparently was having a shocker until we crossed the road for the final four holes – likely in last place at that point. Then he birdied three of the last four (and parred the other) to post 35 points to win on countback – which he felt was justified having lost two tournaments on countback in 2013 (to keep his total to just 4!). So a threepeat for Juice, and renewed calls from the President for a cut – despite Bruce shooting 35 off 15.
• I managed to also post 35, despite putting like an idiot – including missing a 3 footer on the 18th. It was a blob free round – testament to scrambling rather than too much good golf. I’ve just seen Rory tank his tournament, so can’t feel too bad about missing out on a tenner.
• Highlight of the day was definitely the big reveal of Noz’s Hulk, which Nicola had embroidered that morning, and then texted everyone to look out for her handiwork. I have a picture for the match report, but fair to say she wins, again, for creating a new nickname for her husband, who shall henceforth be known as Nob.
• The big talking point was about rules and sportsmanship – which gifted the win to Bruce as both Nob and myself showed true stupidity
  • On the 15th, as I hacked up the hole to score a single point, Noz was looking to maximise, and had a 15 inch put for a par, but he was worried about it, and about standing on Millers’ line. So he marked the ball, which was then on Adam’s line. Asked to move his marker, Nob did and we all warned him not to forget to put it back. Adam and Millers holed out, and as Millers walked to the hole, he told Nob not to forget to move his marker. He promptly rolled in the putt, but from the wrong place. He claimed a 5 for 3 and then we all told him that it would be a 7 for 1, given how he didn’t move his marker. Cue an enormous amount of grumbling and near petulance, particularly as we walked from the 17th to 18th tees – he wanted to know exactly what the scores were – resulting in me Donking on course whilst Millers, who was moody after another blob, and Adam waited.
  • Completely distracted, and aware of the Big Dog being at stake, I teed up and hit a drive. And was then asked where I was teeing off from – as I’d hit from the ladies tee. Apparently this had been noted by my playing companions, but under encouragement from Nob, they decided not to point it out to me. Feeling like a proper idiot, I reloaded from the correct spot, melted a drive and then a five iron to the heart of the green, but took 3 putts from 20 feet to post a 7 for 1. At this point Nob started to challenge whether I should be disqualified from the hole, as taking 5 shots and scoring 7 wasn’t enough of a penalty in his view (take my point away and he’d be leading on countback – he may be many things, but he is not soft), insisting that I show him the rule where stroke and distance is the penalty for my error – threatening to bring Pete into the consultation
  • This is the second tournament in a row where a playing companion of mine has shown worrying ignorance of the rules of the game in a way that could swing something important in their favour on the last hole – without Pete or Ron or Rob there to speak with authority it would seem that we may need some refreshers to the proper R&A rules of golf to stop me having to try and get a signal to underline my own expertise!
  •  I don’t have an issue with Nob trying to win at all costs, he has form for this kind of thing, but both Adam and Paul should really take a long look at themselves and how they’re feeling about sportsmanship, looking at their free Captain’s Kitchen Calendar whilst they’re doing it!
• Should be noted that Dougal apart, we were all within 4 points of each other – a very tight finish that anyone could have won – but Bruce probably deserved it for as blistering a finish as we’ve ever seen
• We ended with a good attempt at Ham Egg and Chips – the ham wasn’t really the best, but the bread and butter was a stroke of genius, with Milmore attempting to create the biggest little open sandwich seen in recent history.

There you have it – over 1100 words, and a picture illustrating the reason why, once again, the missing shark was not a problem – winter tee mats on all of the par 3’s.

I like to note that Huge is now seen as a proper golfer in the updated handicaps.

Oh, and the image for this post is taken from the member who has been stalking Campo to see what he’s been doing with his Saturdays.

Initially we were all set for another day at Stonebridgezzzzzz, but with the prospect of more sideshow entertainment and liberal WHV branding on a friendly track. And then Ron changed it all…

In the Captain’s own words;

Gents

Those playing in the Captains Matchplay are going to be in for a right treat…Oh yes indeedy, the new venue is one of the most talked about new golf courses in the UK and is actually owned by Rock Legend K.K Downing, find out more about Astbury Hall by following the link below:
http://www.astburyhall.co.uk/home.html

It’s only an hour from Dorridge and well worth the drive.

Whilst this is a new course, the standards and course condition is magnificent, this I have been assured of. Unfortunately there is no onsite catering at the moment, although they can bring some food in from elsewhere, so I will get something sorted for a bite after the golf. There is a bar!

The Captains Matchplay will take place over 18 holes this year and a slightly revised format will be adopted which will include a stableforth scoring mechanic, allowing handicaps to be updated from the competition performance – ideal.

I have provisionally booked 3 tee times from 10.30am and the cost is £30 a man – an absolute bargain.

The latest consideration for the prospective participants is to go with 18 or 36 holes, which would considerably increase the cost, but also produce a more elaborate (one would imagine) format. No word yet, but looking at the website for Astbury Hall, I doubt that all we’ll see is a new tankard presented in a sweaty conservatory….

I’d say the Stein is staying put on that rather spartan mantelpiece

From Captain Ron

WHV’ers

From the Captain:

• No on line course guide so no opportunity to decide fine holes yet, or draw a dodgy beard. 4rse.
• Pedro Power will award £5 for each nearest the pin within the final fourball. This is £25. Prizes roll over if no player on the green.
• The final fourball is contested by Pedro and the three persons who have bet the most with Pedro Power on the day. These bets will be private and no person will have a view of how much other people have bet, although no doubt they will be able to determine where the bets have gone by the odds board. Betting period will be time-bound
• Pedro Power will further award £20 to the bogeyman (or split between the bogeymen). These are the people with the most net bogeys (1 pointers) on their card (hence the bogey column on the totals sheet).
•  TD – Roll up standard prize money for second & first place all to winner, but if this totals more than £40 cap it at £40 and split the rest between nearest the pin & longest drive.
• Pedro Power will donate cash on the day, this is not to be included in earnings totals for the year (Donk). All other money, including fines, to be collected by TD for Payment at AGM. Should hopefully give us a bit of shrapnel for splitting the cash at the AGM.

Our esteemed TD chipped in with  “Remind people to bring pound coins”.

Players,

The PEDRO Masters has been booked for the Menzies Cambridge Golf Club

Cheers,

Pedro – Captain, WHV Golf Society

Helping Rob design better products

http://www.menzies-hotels.co.uk/golf/cambridge-golf-club/index.aspx

Tough looking hole for WHV members

All for the price of £32 per person. I was asked to book a later round to allow people to get there so I have negotiated a ‘twilight’ deal: can we please target 13.30 arrival so that the fines system will be understood.  

Important Note: Soft Spikes only

Sunset is due 19.25 and I am informed we will get around before then. I and my fellow board members will be ensuring the new R6 is applied (the Almanac is undergoing a refresh to ensure all updates since inception are presented in a consistent manner). This is awaiting final editorial approval & the inclusion of the WHVGS Asset Register but the content below is Approved by the board and in play.

There are seven or eight of us staying on to enjoy Freshers weekend in Cambridge. Myself and Noz have each donated twin hotel rooms at the Holiday Inn. I have paid for 2 more twin rooms at a total of £212.50, meaning if Ron stays it is a miraculous £26 each.   I would like to personally thank Mr W Spittle for his very generous offer, proving that although he lost his board position due to Ron’s impressive election campaign he very much continues to show huge personal commitment to the WHV cause.   I will not, however, thank Bruce for initially advising me he could put three people up – originally meaning the overnight stay would be free for all. Then clearing it with the missus. Then ‘phoning me to inform me what he actually cleared was that Hannah could have all her friends over, so as well as the three society members he would also now personally require hotel accomodation in his own home town. The Moron.

CAMBRIDGE Holiday Inn
LAKE VIEW, BRIDGE ROAD
CAMBRIDGE CB4 9PH
+44-0871-9429015

Staying Captain Nozzer Pres Moron – see above Ads Miller Bacon

Possibly Staying Ron

Just Playing Donk TD Campo Aust

R6 Avoidance of Slow Play

R6.1 Pick Up – If the player can not score Stapleforth or has lost a match play hole they must pick their ball up if not caused to wait by the group ahead.

R6.2 Maximum time looking for lost balls – if the ball is lost in a place where it would be hard to find the member can only spend 3 minutes looking for it if not caused to wait by the group ahead.

R6.3 Derestricted honours – players can and should take shots outside of the honours format from tee to green to speed up play.  This includes the temporary removal of a flag (or not if R3.2. employed) to putt while waiting a player to walk to his ball.

R6.4 General competence – when on the green buggies, trolleys and bags must be parked between the green and the route to the next tee.

Worringly, the discredoration word has been bandied about in comments. The present incumbent has asked me to post the following point-by-point reply to a comment by Mr I Hall

I suggest this is exactly the type of argument you should submit to the hearing. Thank you for getting there. Eventually.

Finally, here’s the song that the Captain is missing out on, in a nice live version. We here at WHVgolf.com hope it soothes his pain and disappointment.

Following this prompt from Rob/Idiot –

Have I missed any communications on the PEDRO Masters? I am so keen to attend, but am a bit nervous after not playing in a Society event for a while. Ideally I’d like some refresher lessons from your good self beforehand. I do want to play better golf – I do, I do, I do.

Will it still be full stapleforth, (no multliball)? I also heard you were thinking of applying obverse mulligans – is this true?

Please, Please, Please can you let me know before I wet myself in anticipation.
 
Yours frenetically,
Idiot   

The Captain has now released the eagerly awaited details of the 3rd Major of the tour.

Dear WHVGS.
 
As you all know, when the much-anticipated Players’ Rep’s Skins tournament finishes this Saturday, it will very much be a case of looking forward to the the PEDRO Masters. 
 
May I remind you that the PEDRO Masters is:

 THE money event of the tour; with it’s unique, patented, fines-for-second-place formula. Plus the donation by Pedro Power to fund the par 3 competition for the ‘final fourball’: those who have bet the most money on the event on Saturday having a chance to win £5 per par 3 on the course. And this year, incredibly, Pedro Power are funding the entire event by a further £20 – as they did the Captains; and twice the amount they funded the Brizzle. What a great sponsor Pedro Power are.
The LAST Major of the 2010 tour before the WHV Open. Absolutely ESSENTIAL to earn those ranking points in order that there is no mountain to climb in order to lift the Claret Jug.

So I need to know your availability in order to book tee-times. This year the event will be:

• Held in or near Cambridge on Saturday 11th September
• with tee times starting after midday to enable travel time
• Course fees in the region of £30 for 18 holes of championship golf.
• £10 entrance fees, plus a fines liability which will be a guaranteed maximum of £5 for those playing really badly.
• Optional night out in Cambridge

 Please reply ASAP to tell me if you are

• Up for the PEDRO Masters
• Up for a night out with stay-over

Cheers, Captain
 
p.s. Rob – obverse mulligans will not be applied at the PEDRO Masters. Sorry.