The 2018 season opener will certainly be remembered but unfortunately not just for some quality golf. “A fiasco”, “Shocking” and “Shambles” were just a few of the comments after the event. There was no Green Jacket, no stein and no dog! Even as I write this I find it hard to understand how the winner of the Green Jacket, Mike, could forget to wear it to the season opener. It is a privilege to wear the green and that should never be forgotten. As for the stein and dog this seems to be a pattern and as a society we need to make sure all assets are return to the appropriate event. Surely that’s not too hard to ask?

Then we have the “Lost Scorecard” and I am happy to hold my hands up as this was my fault. I was marking a card for Mike and myself but on the 12^th green I realised that I have drop the card but didn’t have time to go back and look for it as I didn’t want to slow play up. Luckily for me I keep my score on my phone app but it meant Mike couldn’t hand a full card in. It was decided that as I could still hand a score card in my round counted but Mike’s wouldn’t. Sorry Mike. Maybe its time we all start marking cards?

So, to the actual golf. Our sponsor for the tournament was Noz and for the 2^nd year in a row he took us back to the Forest of Arden and managed to pick a great day for it, even if it was freezing. We had 12 entries with two new members, Jon Moreton and Jay Mollison, welcome to the WHV golf society we hope to see you at as many events as possible. As per tradition the 2017 Order of Merit Winner (Me) got us underway with the Spoon. Some might have buckled at the pressure but no not me as I sweetly stuck it over 200 yards right down the centre. To be honest, that was the best of my golf in the front 9, a part from the majestic birdie at the 3^rd, as I turned with 13 points. At which point we heard that Dougal, Donk and Noz were all on 18ish points. Surely the winner would have to come from one of those three as we went to the notorious hard back 9. But that wasn’t to be the case as a subline 21 points of the back nice and another sensational birdie at the par five 17^th took the win from Donk in second place and Dougal in third. The other winners were The Cat, longest Drive (Dog), Boyce, nearest the Pin (Shark) and Gregs, sponsors nearest the pin.

I must admit it was nice to get back to winning ways after a long stretch of not winning and more importantly taking back the top spot for number of wins on tour.

Overall, thanks Noz for another great day, good to see everyone and let’s hope things can only get better from here. Hopefully see you all on the 25^th March for the TD Memorial.

The only evidence that Mike played

New member. I want to say Jay

And John

Boyce being a cock

He wasn’t mentioned by Juice, but he won the sponsors prize

Big Dog for the Cat

Possibly the most controversial winner in recent times

So for winning, he’s dropped another shot, and for failing to provide a match report – under the amendment to the constitution reported here – he’s carrying another full stroke penalty and will be off 12 around Blackwell.

In other moves – I will need to check with PK and Boyce on their Congu’s but they might have drifted up a full stroke each.

All handicaps here

In the first of what is sure to be many many posts, whvgolf.com shares a submission of an indictment form by our most openly unhinged member

Submitted at 00:10 on 17 October

The charge: Rocky The Cat left his trolley bag in the luggage hall of BHX, then exited through customs. He realised his mistake in the car park, rushed back through the no exit sign and nearly got arrested. A BHX tattooed munter promised his bag in 20minutes, which was an hour and a half ago. Same munter is now chasing. No sign. So 2hours after landing me & Huge are still here. With work in 5 hours.

The accused: Marty the Cat

Suggested Rehabilitation: Redacted

WHVers,

Here is the match report for the Son of Pedro, Masters, from Boycie aka Magnum

Attendees:- Chris Gregory (Greggors), Pete Ash (Pedro), Steve Harding (Boycie/Magnum), Simon Harrison (Donk), William Spittle (Noz), Martin Currirer (Marty the Cat), Paul Kerr (PK), Dougal Baxter (Pres), Ron Brown, Adam Hogarth and Bruce Hopkin (Juice).

A bright dry cool morning met everyone as they made their way down the M5 and M50 towards Ross on Wye (for the final major of the season before the Jug weekend) whilst looking for somewhere to have breakfast on a Sunday morning as the clubhouse wasn’t open for breakfast before we tee’d off at 10.00am!!! (Unless you were travelling with Donk who collected breakfast sandwich orders from the Tyseley café on his way to picking up his seven star road companions.

With only 11 playing the Pres threw the balls up for the two 4 balls and one 3 ball. Up first were Ron, Marty the Cat and Adam. In the second group were the Pres, PK, Juice and I (Boycie) leaving Greggs, Noz, Donk and Pedro in the final group (giving Pedro a chance to see the form of three of the potential favorites for the Jug)

I was in the second group where surprisingly we all started the round well with even the Pres finding form with his driver and creaming his drives well down the fairway helping him birdie, par and par the three par 5’s and giving him a score of 19 points at the halfway stage. I also had 19 points after being robbed of two points on the par 5 eighth having taken an R4 and putting out only for Juice to find my original ball when walking from the green to the next tee, just where PK had previously walked to play his own ball but failed to see my ball. (I played the ball out but could not count the score as I had completed the hole with the R4 ball). Juice was on 20 points but PK was leading the group having had 5 net pars and was on an excellent 23 points.

Not bad when you consider the 3 putting that had taken place on three of what was known of the five recently new drainage worked tramlined greens.

It seemed that PK was going to run away with the competition if he continued the way he had played the front nine. However the back nine was a different story for many with the Pres scoring 13 (32) , Juice 12 (32) and PK also only 12 still giving him a respectable 35 points which put him in second place. I however with some fortunate help from the trees now and then I managed to put a steady second half round together scoring 17 points and a total of 36 points, which turned out to be the winning score.

Final positions were 1^st Boycie 36 points 2^nd PK 35 points 3^rd Donk 34 points. The Dog went to Ron and the Shark to Boycie, the only person to hit the short par 3 green.

Finally congratulations to Noz who was presented with his 100^th event attendance memorial gold pin and Adam who was presented with his 50^th event attendance badge from the Pres.

And now some pictures from the day…

For the second year, the society returned to Royal Widney Manor to contest the Mindtwist – again, either by fortune or design, 8 members lined up for the team event. The sponsor wandered into the ‘clubhouse’ later than most, looking very very sorry for himself and his poorly back. He opted for a buggy as his crippling pain was alleviated by sitting down. I don’t like to compare the pain tolerance of the product of a strong Northern house to one from a lesser Midland based house, but I have been experiencing similar back/disc issues for nearly 2 years now and have still managed to compete using a combination of drugs and willpower – I am sure his injury will be much worse than mine when the details are in.

The teams were determined via ball toss – only Donk and PK from the winning team last year were present. PK didn’t have to do and shake his money maker at Leamington Pride midway through the round this time, but he wasn’t able to make the afternoon round. He was paired with our sicknote sponsor, tour leader Noz and new member of WMGC/RWMGC, Mr C Gregory. The Captain was teamed up with the current holder of the Green Jacket, steady away Steve and Glory or Bust juice.

Miller explained the ‘pay on the day’ bounties for gross birdies, eagles and hitting the greens with drives on Par 4’s, and we were away. We saw the first team celebrate a birdie on the first, then let a pair of older female members through on the first, before loading up – Juice melted a three wood to the edge of the green…

And from there it continued – Boyce was a machine on the less than perfect putting surfaces of the front nine – we were six under at the turn. For a while, we were worried about getting all of four of the Prof’s drives away, but that turned out not to be too troubling. The card of the round is shown below, compared to the 2016 winning round. Opening with an Eagle helps, but eight under is still pretty good shooting on a wet and wild day.

Back in the shed, the sponsors team were soundly beaten by four shots, but took both of the ‘Nearest the Pin’ prizes, despite a bit of a cock up on the actual holes being contended – i.e. the sponsors team forgot to mark on the first Mindtwist Shark hole, and then on the mental arithmetic used to work out the prize money, but we all enjoyed our pies. The winning team were all presented with a commemorative Arnold Palmer badge to be worn at the Jarra de Plata.

I was wearing DonkCam for the round, which provides some random fun shots

A merry band of seven (Pres, Noz & PK (the Presidents team) and Donk, Woolly, Aust and Tom (Donks team)) arrived early at the Warwickshire for The Presidents 2016.

A quick round of bacon butties and the starter set us off on the first tee on the Kings Course for the mornings individual Stapleforth matches.

An eventful mornings golf included Pres. striking the ball like a knife through the wind and a crow stealing a bacon buttie from the back of a buggie, serviette and all and feasted on it with its mates at a teasing, but safe distance.

In the first Stapleforth fourball, a notional Pres played, and lost to Woolly, and Noz played and beat Aust. In the second fourball, PK played and halved with Donk, and a real Pres played and lost to Tom. I hope thats clear?

Personally ive no-idea. I never quite worked it out. The shark was so fiercely contested on a two tier green by Pk and Donk that it ended in a tie. Four puts later, the first two ending up further from the hole than they started after failing to get up the slope, Pk finally holed out. He was happy about that.

Totting up the scores over a lunch of ham, egg and chips the scores were Presidents team 1 1/2, Donks team 2 1/2 and Tom bagged the Presidents with 34 stapleforth points.

Teeing off on the Earls Course for the afternoons entertainment, Team Donk were confident in their one point lead. Aust and Tom went off first, playing Noz and a real Pres, followed by Donk and Wooly playing PK and a notional Pres. Pres however shape shifted halfway around to play with PK, largely I recall due to having got irritated with Noz’s game.

The mood in Team Pres was low and Team Donk capitalised on this with a huge 3 / 3 all square draw in the afternoon game.

so here goes, I am new to writing about a game of golf usually just talking about it in the 19th …..Saturday 1st April the sun was out, boyce and myself headed down the M40 to the Welcombe at Stratford. arriving we thought early for a change!!

we saw 3 fellow boys hitting balls on the range and decided to venture into the pro-shop. Walking around we over heard that a group were late for there tee times, it turned out to be WHV apparently greggs had got all his timings wrong, which made for a very interesting start to a game of golf as the 1st & 2nd groups of 4 both teed off eating bacon baps.

Myself in the second group with PK, JP & Boyce enjoyed a very friendly and enjoyable game of golf. On arrival at the 19th and after a few shandys and waiting for all of our groups to appear the scorecards produced 2 boys on 37 points, myself taking the win with a countback on the back nine, Boyce won nearest the pin, Donk the longest drive and Juice the straight line.

Apparently the banter in the bar suggested there would be some form of punishment for greggs in La Manga. Next trip Somerset 30th April.

The Cat.

The sponsor was the one who had to see off the foot and a half from the mouldy glass

WHVers,

Here is the match report for the Captains Matchplay from Boycie aka Magnum

Attendees:- Chris Gregory (Greggors), Michael Allsopp, Pete Ash (Pedro), Steve Harding (Boycie/Magnum), Simon Harrison (Donk), Paul Millmore,(Millers/Tin-tin), William Spittle (Noz), Martin Currirer (Marty the Cat), Paul Kerr (PK).

The re-arranged date arrived and was still warm but nowhere near as hot as it was the previous week, the originally planned date (thank goodness most thought as we strolled up the lovely picturesque hills of Cleobury Mortimer Golf Club). Everyone arrived nice and early for a lovely full English breakfast and warm cuppa.

We then all headed off to the first tee digesting Donk’s instructions on how to score, and what these first nine holes meant. (This the first time I have actually managed to play in the matchplay as I have always been on holiday) In fact it became clear that the morning 9 holes were just a warm up round to assist in seeding’s for the afternoon rounds.

The morning groups were:- PK, Pedro & Noz / Donk, Millers & Greggs / The Cat, Boycie & Mike PK kicked off the day hitting the “spitfire” safely down the right-hand side of the fairway.

A good mornings golf with the winners of each group gaining 5 ranking points and seeded in separate groups in the afternoon were, Pedro, Donk & Mike

A quick ham egg and chips and gluten free option for Noz for lunch (and maybe a pint for some) before the afternoon 18 holes proper took place. However on the way to the tee PK gets a free grip for his 5 wood from the guy offering one free grip. Noz queues and get his 7 iron re-gripped but when Greggors tries to get his brand new driver re-gripped asking “which is the dearest one he can get free he was duly informed by said guy that he was only doing 7 irons – I wonder why/how Greggors managed to alienate the guy when all he wanted was the most expensive free new grip on his brand new driver!!! Miller’s then has to pay £5 to get his club re-gripped as no more free grips.

Anyhow we all moved onto the first tee with Greggors still not impressed with not getting his free grip. The groups for the first round proper were:- Boycie, Greggs & Pedro / Millers Noz & Mike / Donk, Martin & PK

Unfortunately for Pedro he seemed to have lost the game he had in the morning but it was a close game between Greggs and me with both having a chance coming up the last. We both hit good drives away and were sitting on the fairway but Greggs is about 20 yards further than me. I hit a monster 5 iron on to the green just 12 feet away putting the pressure back onto Greggs. Greggs creamed his 5 iron as well and thought he’d gone through the green only to find he was in the front greenside bunker. H managed to get out but never made par leaving me two puts for par and win the group.

A quick drink whilst we await the others before a quick turnaround into the final groups. The first group out was all those who came third in their groups –Martin, Pedro & Mike (two of the morning round winners) playing for 5 ranking points The second group out the runners up of the groups –Greggs, Millers & PK playing for 10 ranking points

The final group being the winners of the groups and so gaining 5 ranking points and now playing for 15 ranking points the captains ring, shield and envelope with cash out of the captains own pocket, in his own words to make up for having to change the date. – Boycie, Donk & Noz

It can be said that it had been a long day and that there wasn’t some of the best golf played in the final group and Noz, who had already won 2 competitions this year and was looking for his 3rd win was clearly feeling the heat and tiring and struggled with his driving. It was a close game where I did get into a quick lead but was pulled back by Donk at the half way stage but I managed to keep ahead and at the 8th hole I sealed the win which meant we were all free to have a go for the longest drive.

None of us actually managed to challenge and so we picked up our drives and walked back to the clubhouse for a well-deserved drink and the presentation.

Winners of the other groups were Martin who appeared to bring his A game to score 30 out of a possible 36 points when beating Mike and Pedro for 5 ranking points. PK beat Millers and Greggs in the second group for 10 ranking points.

Overall the ranking points won were:- Pedro 5, Donk 5+5=10, Mike 5, Noz 5, Marty 5 PK 10 and overall winner yours truly Boycie 5+15=20

The winner Boycie winning the Captains ring, Shield £15.00 and captain’s personal envelope.

The Shark £5.00 and the Dog £5.00 went to Marty the cat

This is where we’ve played, apart from Portugal. Interesting to note that we’ve never been further north than Chester.