The soundtrack was recommended to the members by the TD – he left me several voicemails about it and once managed to speak to me whilst I was sat on the porcelain throne. Having listened to it several times now, I’m not sure if I will be accepting any more recommendations from him for future projects.

Click on the thingys at the bottom to enjoy this in full screen HD glory.

The TD got a bit lairy.

Don’t forget to go full screen and ting, man.

Spot the lurker

Chaps – Of the 17  paid up 2012 WHVGS Members, I believe that we are expecting 15 to attend the 2012 AGM, the errant 2 Members who are kissing good bye to their winnings for the year and donating it to the GS are:

• Coops – 2 events entered £5 won
• Huge – 3 events entered £Nil won, outstanding fine £20 for not wearing a WHVGS shirt on the 2010 Course for the first round of the 2012 CJ

Everyone else should be in attendance – happy days – however if you are not, you will also be donating your winnings to the GS.

We shall aim to meet at All Bar One in Brindley Place at  5.00 – 5.30pm on Saturday 3^rd December (http://www.allbarone.co.uk/allbaronebrindleyplacebirmingham/), for a couple of looseners and then we shall head off to the below par Bowling Alley in the ar5e3nd of town for the End of Year Sporting Challenge for the WHVGS Red, the holder for the last 2 consecutive years being Ronnie.

We shall then play it ear, but ultimately and not to late, end up in a dubious curry house, (much to the delight of the, current, TD) for nose bag and the 2012 AGM proper, including the prize giving**

Some things that you might want to think about are….

• Who you want as Captain, TD and Players Rep
• Who you want as the 2012 SPOTY
• Whether or not you want to move the CJ to mid season or leave it at the end
• Whether or not you want to increase the Tour competition fees and/or annual subs to put aside for the growing 2013 kitty – that should be interesting…. and for the record the current Board are split 50:50 on this
• Whether or not the 2013 CJ extravaganza should be left to discretion of the 2012 CJ winner or let 2012 or 2013 Board decide?
•  Whether or not the Winner of the OoM should be an automatic  5^th Board Member for the following year, to make Board an odd number and to remove some power from the Pres…

Not long til, Chav Bowling, dirty curry and a new WHVGS Board, voted by you the Members.

Yours, The Pres

From the President

Dear WHVGS Members – As you all know the 2010 WHVGS End of Season Social and AGM will take place on Saturday 4 December. The plan is:

17.00 – 18.00 : Meet by/under the Moose’s head for a couple of festive cheekys – “The Moose” is directly in front of Birmingham’s Council House –
[I shall probably be aiming for 16.23 from Solihull.]
18.00 – 19.00 : Move to the Sports’ Cafe on Broad Street to warm up on the American style pool tables.
19.00 – Later on : The biennial WHVGS Pool competition will take place – Further details to follow (including the rules for the event), but in summary it will be “world cup” format, with group stages followed by a knock out competition – a suitable number of tables will be reserved for the competition
Later on : Head off for a curry (Pedro will have the staff curry, obviously), the 2010 AGM and prize giving.

I assume that all but two Members will be present for the proceedings, because we have only received two written apologies for non-attendance, (one of the Members will apparently be at the Copacabana, (with Hannah), and the other is grounded), but if the rest of you could confirm that you will be attending by return it would be appreciated, so that I can firm up numbers and the format. In 2008 we had a number of late, unexplained, drop outs (Ron, Onions and Pal O), which to be honest screwed the group stage format up, so please come if you say that you are coming….

By way of warning, due to the 2010 revision of the GS financial model to build up of our funds for 2013, is unlikely that the evening will be fully subsidised this year, so you will have to put your hand in pocket at some stage during the night. [NB: It is yet to be confirmed whether or not PedroPower will be in operation prior to and/or during the Pool competition
– but I can only assume that Noz is red hot favourite followed by The Aust as the 2008 (& reigning) WHVGS Pool Champion and runner up respectively.]

Ron – Please do not forget the laundered Red.

Also, as it is now less than 2 weeks before the 2010 WHVGS AGM – I just wanted to remind everyone about the 2011 Board Membership voting process at the AGM and that those of you who have not yet paid your Membership fees for 2010 will need cough up on the night.
All 2010 elected Board positions are vacated at the AGM and a new 2011 Board is elected. There is no bar on previous Members being re-elected to the same, or a different, Board position – The positions available for re-election are:

The Captain (which includes the overall responsibility of Handicap Secretary)
Tour Director (which includes the responsibilities of Treasurer)
Player’s Representative (steadfastly representing the views and concerns of the GS Membership)

(NB – The Player’s Representative must be nominated after all other elected positions have been filled. New Board Members are not entitled to propose or vote for the Player’s Representative.)

We will also have a vote for the WHVGS 2010 SPOTY (Sports Personality of the Year) and the new WHVGS 2010 BCOT (Biggest Cheeser on Tour)

Individuals may nominate themselves, or any other Member for election and for any number of Board Positions prior to the AGM. Then at the AGM proper, the Nominations for the 2011 Board will be finalised during the AGM and will require Seconding by someone present at the AGM. Unopposed candidates are automatically elected. All WHVGS Members present at the AGM have a single vote. Where competition arises, each round of balloting eliminates the candidate with the lowest amount of votes. If candidates with least number of votes have an equal amount they are both eliminated. Where the vote is tied across the remaining candidates, the President casts the deciding vote.

So if anyone is thinking of nominating themselves or anyone else, it might be worth starting your campaign prior to the AGM, to avoid the disappointment of defeat – Will see anything like the successful 2009 “Vote Ron, Noz Out” campaign?
Not long til Moose, biennial GS pool competition, (staff) curry, 2010 prize giving and the AGM

Yours, The Pres

Have You Seen Something Like This?

WHVgolf.com towers was shocked and saddened, as I imagine other society members were, by this confession, repeated in full here:

Having been a victim of another booze related self-implosion on Saturday evening, I unfortunately realised that the Pedro fiver was no longer in my possession on Sunday.

Being a natural optimist (or being in denial of the level of the losses of my faculties the previous evening) I assumed that I had handed the kitty to one of the Board before my departure on Saturday although, on investigation, this proved not to be the case.

As outlined by the President, I therefore got on the blower to AGM venue, The Lord Clifden, in a frantic search for the Pedro fiver. A very helpful member of the bar staff, Sarah, promised to check their tills and get back to me.

[quote]

Imagine my delight and relief when she said that she had located a Royal Bank of Scotland £5 and that she would hold onto this for me. She seemed slightly confused by my repeated questioning as to whether the note bore the legend ‘The Pedro Fiver’ although I promised to collect the cherished item whilst quickly convincing myself that she had simply overlooked any words being written on it.

Earlier today, I exchanged the note for £10 of my own money, having originally promised Sarah to more than reimburse the face value in my original clamour to retrieve the Pedro, and was gutted to discover that she had indeed been correct about an absence of writing on the note.

Despite the gravity of this position, I truly believe that the spirit of the WHVGS is not to consider this a devastating loss but to consider it as an opportunity – after all, what are the odds of the boozer having an almost identical note in their tills from the weekend ? (The Professor will probably calculate this for the benefit of the society). I have therefore seized the opportunity – namely to create further WHV legend in the prompt christening of ‘The Son of the Pedro Fiver’.

If the human race can evolve and improve from generation to generation then I am sure that the legendary potential of banknotes can also do the same and I shall therefore present to the Society…The Son of the Pedro fiver…

I’ll get my coat on the way out.

The TD

Most fined man in WHV Golf

This prompted the following response, in what I expect will become a trademark ‘cod-sympathetic’ style from our newest board member:

As a new member of the Board I can confirm that I am astonished that another member of the board could possibly lose something that is so cherished within the GS.

[quote2]

Whilst it is indeed uncanny that the boozer would have another Scottish Fiver, it is clearly not the same as the Pedro itself. The other Scottish Fiver is simply a fiver and worth it’s face value – I believe the Pedro Fiver has indeed been referred to as ‘priceless’ in the past.

However I have been appointed as the Players Rep, so will try and do my best for you Mr Gregory!

Finally, the Pres weighed in with a rather tame query as to the serial number of the disappointing ‘Son of the Pedro Fiver’.

Let this be a lesson to all WHVers. Christmas is a dangerous time when you are transporting valuable treasures. Be Smart. Leave Them At Home.

TD caught on camera in a rare moment when he isn't 'tensing'

(click on any pic to get the fancy big picture slideshow thingy, if your browser isn’t pants)

Ron had an up and down night, from wandering into a pub full of Villa fans watching them break a 25 year hoodoo at Old Trafford whilst wearing his Blues hat and seeking representation on a We Hate Villa board.

TD sets out his stall early

Ron Unveiling his campaign materials

Evidence of a proper thought out campaign

Yes We Can (and yes we did)

He was busy chatting up some bloke from another society, offering him out for a full Ryder Cup style event, instead of paying attention to the briefing from Chalky Pete on an incredibly complicated game of pub darts.

However, he ended up winning the WHV red after displaying steady darting. Full details will be in his match report – should make for interesting reading as I’m not convinced he knew what he was doing for most of it.

During the event, he did reveal the master plan of marketing, with a poster, a T Shirt and flyers promoting his Noz Out, Vote Ron message.

The campaign was successful, as the AGM minutes will show. It remains to be seen how much the Pres will report on Ron’s instant decision to make Player’s Rep into a role devoted to diluting any of the quirks that make the WHV unique, particularly R4 and the handicapping system.

The debate on handicaps was still raging in full patronising (“I’m a proper golfer, I’m a member of a proper club, what makes you lot better than the PGA?!”) mode as I left the cab, a good two hours after it started. This was after a near wobbler of Keegan-esque proportions as our Proper Golfer decided to resign, only to flip-flop instantly.

Props to Mike for baiting Ron throughout the AGM – it takes a brave man to spot an egomaniac in the first strokes of power mania and the grips of too much Guinness and Whiskey, and then to poke him with a stick repeatedly. “You’re a fecking idiot Mike, you know NOTHING” – repeat ad nauseum.

Props to Ron for following through and being exactly as selfish and overbearing as Rob and I suspected he might be when hatching the concept of Noz Out whilst sat waiting on the tee for more society duffers to get out of the way on the Nicklaus Course. I believe it was the shortish par 5 that Rob played only with an 8 iron to get a par simply because he could.

Props to the Pres for introducing us all to a great boozer and attempting to organise WHVers too close to their own beds for them to ever consider behaving as imagined. He remained affable all night as his best laid plans were ripped apart by early defections by Ads, Aust and others, and no shows from the usuals. Might have had something to do with recovery from an absolute skinful on Friday. Certainly over ordered on the grub front though, as we gave a good slice of society funded snap to weirdos and pensioners throughout the evening.

Props to the Prof for spending valuable hotel pron watching time drafting an extremely complicated and comprehensive set of rules for WHV Dart Golf, attempting to organise WHVers who weren’t really interested from the moment they saw how complicated it was. Also for ending up covered in more chalk than one would have thought possible for administering a dart board for a couple of hours. Hopefully the Intellectual Property for the rules has been secured, as several copies of the rules and shotsaver were left in the Lord Clifden as we left – it might surprise those of us who took part to see this popping up on Challenge TV, but there’s worse stuff on there already.

Chalky Pete explains it, again

WHV Dart Golf Event Crowd Goes Wild

Props to Noz for only letting the mask of disappointment slip a couple of times after losing his cherished seat at the top table. Only when under high pressure from Ron’s extreme baiting and complaining did he mutter… “see, told you so, he’s only interested in Ron”.

Props to the TD for going old school, despite assuring everyone he was on a quiet job and booked in for the 1am feed. Standing at the end of a bar with a collection of rapt and impressed bar staff, with 400 lads in his pocket, he was cock of the walk. The dormant Mr Hyde of the society was further roused by a couple of rounds of single ‘Jamo’s’ ordered by Ron, and then the discovery that the jukebox could be isolated for the front snug which we were occupying. Off he went to put on the greatest Sis tune ever, not that anyone else noticed. Didn’t stop him bellowing ‘Helluva Boy’ to the pub at large, or trying to crack on to the two pensioners who looked confused why their quiet Saturday night drinking had been invaded by nice loud young men offering to stand them a few rounds.

Gibbon Gun Show

It didn’t take too many Stereophonics tunes chosen by Ron (TD – Dakota is their best ever tune), or Brown marching tunes before the testosterone was in full effect. Attempting to hold an AGM whilst the Gibbon was in the house was not going to go too well – Baxter’s choice of ‘rubbish’ 80’s standard was compounded by the Web Donkey discovering the Pavlovian trigger in the TD’s medulla oblongata – “Sexy MF” by Prince.

This drove the TD to shirt stripping rage – intending to impress the bar staff with a gun show. The society was saved from further rampaging scandal by a sudden decision to ditch the AGM and take a sleepy Spike home. Questions remain about the financial acuity displayed – some money was abandoned amidst curry plates, and Tab 101 was short – you can almost smell the port…

The Pres will produce his own report of the AGM. Ron will do the same for the Sporting Event. Hopefully they will cover how, for about 20 minutes, to about 10 blokes and one attractive young girl, we were the great Curry Philanthropists of 2009 as we tried to save the feelings of the little old dear who had slaved away preparing 16 curries for 6 men to eat. “You lot can come every week” said a local, several times, thinking he was being funny and that we’d just not heard him.

The pre-event buffet - enough to put us all down for the evening. Worst sausage rolls ever.

TD before meltdown

Ron in the Red

6 men left standing to polish off the society kitty for 2009

The remains of 16 curries

30th November

It is now less than 2 weeks before the 2009 WHVGS AGM – and I just wanted to remind everyone about the Board Membership Voting process at the AGM.

All elected Board positions are vacated at the AGM and a new Board is elected. There is no bar on previous members being re-elected to the same, or a different, Board position – The positions available for re-election are:

• The Captain (which includes the responsibilities of Handicap Secretary)
• Tour Director (which includes the responsibilities of Treasurer)
• Player’s Representative (which from what everyone can tell – has minimal responsibilities….)

(NB – The Player’s Representative must be nominated after all other elected positions have been filled. Board Members are not entitled to propose or vote for the Player’s Representative.)

Individuals may nominate (propose) themselves for or any other Member for election. Unopposed candidates are automatically elected. All WHV Golf society members have a single vote. Where competition arises, each round of balloting eliminates the candidate with the lowest amount of votes. If candidates with least votes have an equal amount they are both eliminated. Where the vote is tied across the remaining candidates, the President casts the deciding vote.

So if anyone is thinking of nominating themselves or anyone else, it might be worth starting (or continuing) your campaign prior to the AGM, to avoid the disappointment of defeat.

8th December

With the 2009 AGM looming, I thought that it would be a suitable time to send out a further update:

17.00 – 18.15 : Meet by/under the Moose’s head for a couple of festive cheekys – “The Moose” is directly in front of Birmingham’s Council House – [I shall probably be aiming for 16.23 from Solihull.]

18.15 – 18.45 : Transfer to the Venue for “The Official Sporting Event at the End Of Year Social” – [To be confirmed at a later date]

19.00 (Sharp) – 21.30 : The Official Sporting Event at the End Of Year Social – the “Red T-Shirt Competition” will take place – Further details to follow (including the rules for the event) – However, I can confirm that this year we will be unveiling a true master piece – which could well become a WHVGS legend / staple for years to come. The 2009 Captain has devised the structure of the event and I was provided with a first cut of the rules last night – which involved printing and reading 16 pages of A4, my estimation is that when the documentation to support the structure of the event is presented to the Members by the Professor on Saturday it will run to almost 30 sheets – Absolute pure genius.

(Noz – Don’t forget the laundered red!)

21.30 – Later on : More drinking in and around Birmingham Town centre

Later on : Head off for a curry (Pedro will have the staff curry obviously) and the AGM proper

The AGM proper – The Nominations for the 2010 Board will be finalised during the AGM and will require Seconding by someone present at the AGM. If you are not going to be present at the AGM you can Nominate candidates by informing me prior to 5pm on Thursday – [Any further Nominations will only be accepted in person during the AGM] – If your Nominee, gets seconded and you are absent from the AGM they will carry your vote throughout the voting process, however if they are eliminated you will not be contacted to vote for the remaining candidates.

At present we have received at least 2 nominations for each available position on the 2010 Board….

Not long til AGM shenanigans and blowing the funds, in accordance with the Financial Model, under the Moose’s swede and on staff curry.

10th December

Dear Members – Advance nominations for the 2010 Board are now closed – Currently we have at least 3 Nominations for each position… The nomination process will re-open at the 2009 AGM as will the official Vote for the 2009 WHVGS SPOTY.

Not long since, (in fact 10 minutes since), printing and binding 5 copies of a 32 page Professor Ash generated document, detailing (amongst other things) the “Governance” and the “Rules” for The Official Sporting Event at the End Of Year Social.

Not long since, (in fact 5 minutes since), printing and binding 1 copy of the current Almanac – which is now a 76 page tomb.

Not long til Moose and shenanigans

Obviously a case of Caveman Testosterone vs. Renaissance Foppery

For those of you who came to the WHVGS AGM on Saturday, I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and felt suitably jaded on Sunday Morning. Obviously that excludes the TD, who decided to drive and “was the joint first Santa over the line” in the Walsall “Santas on the run” race on Sunday morning.

For those of you who couldn’t (be bothered to) make it, you missed a very entertaining night and I can confirm that the Member’s who did attended suitably dealt with the remaining GS funds for the 08 Tour as documented in the Financial Model.

I understand that the Undisputed 2008 WHVGS Pool Champion will be writing a report to document the Pool and subsequent competition, which everyone agreed was run superbly organised, especially given the late drops outs and no shows… I will not disclose the name of the Pool Champion at this stage and will let his report do the talking.

In respect of the AGM – I can confirm that the 2009 Board will comprise:

* The President – D Baxter
* The Captain / Skipper and Constitutional Advocate – Prof R P Ash
* The TD – C Gregory
* The Players Representative – Noz

Our thanks go to the only out going 2008 Board Member – Mr I Hall, who actually came second in the voting for the 2009 Captaincy, but to be quite honest he will have plenty on his plate when there is a “Little Idiot” making mess and smells in Diana Gardens from January – Best of luck old chap.

The 2008 Almanac will be finalised and updated in due course, but in summary it was agreed that:

1) The TD’s fine for his “performance at the CJ” and for “bringing the WHVGS into disrepute” is to provide a 20 year old bottle of Tawny Port and a “quality cheese board” for the General meeting at the 2009 Claret Jug.

2) The 2008 WHVGS SPOTY (Sports personality of the year) is the C Gregory

3) It was agreed that the 2009 Claret Jug should be held abroad – Provided that the cost of the golf, travel and accommodation is less than £400 and only requires a single days holiday.

4) The 2009 will reconsider the following Points of Order before the commencement of the 2009 Tour:

* The use of the Yellow and Orange Shirts
* The WHVGS Ranking Points system
* The minium consistent parts for a Match Report
* A Prize for the OoM Winner

5) It was agreed that the WHVGS will continue with and improve the use of the Website and if due to their new responsibilities Mr and Mrs Idiot are able to continue the duties as Webmaster – Mr Harrison (who has the necessary skill set) and volunteered to set up to the plate.

6) Mr J Spittle does not get paid a designer commission for the use of the WHV crest

7) Mr J Spittle is to attend at least 2 WHVGS Tour events in 2009

Cheers
Dougal