Q: How did winning your first major in 5 years feel? Did the little Gibbon get a bit of blood flow in him?

I prefer to think of it as winning my second major – time is a relative concept – being a winner is timeless.

Q: Having played with you a number of times when you’re in contention, or even winning, were you aware that you were putting together a victory round in a key major? Not having seen the card I don’t know if you finished with a charge or with a whimper. Did you nearly blow the horn? Was there a massive amount of celebration, and did it include the removal of items of clothing?

If I’m honest, I was disappointed with my back 9 although this was more to do with not knowing the course than being a girl. I genuinely thought that Pete had carded 39 points when I finished so I was actually pleasantly surprised to have been victorious. As noted in my report, my attempt at blowing the horn in victory resembled a poor attempt at blowing up a hot water bottle.

Q: How much do you think this win came down to you turning the corner with your golf to get back amongst the challengers, and how much to a slightly elevated handicap? Personally, whvgolf.com thinks you should be in the group with Millers, Donk and Juice (and Aust if we ever see him again) – half decent but inconsistent, rather than with the proper golfers like Ron or Campo, or even the Idiot, or the Wild Things like Doug, Curt or Pedro (I’m not sure where Bacon and Noz fit in except in a mutual antagonism class of their own). You hit a good drive and as sweet a three iron as anyone and can hole a monster putt – was that what was happening at the Horn?

Bit of both – to be fair, the current handicapping system is working very well and allows anybody to score well on their day. Forget any other comparisons, it’s all about me versus Baxter every time.

Q: Do you think you’ve peaked too early by contending at the Skins, Brissle and Captains? Are you going to press on and take advantage of your handicap advantage and wear Yellow all the way to the AGM? Who looks like your major opposition?

I plan to play badly for the rest of the season before romping home at the Jug and winning the Tour. I also then plan to win the end of season sporting event. My only opposition is the several other sides to my personality.

Q: Where would you take the Tour if your form holds and you don’t drink yourself out of winning the Jug?

Vegas.

Q: Finally, how are you finding the challenge of running GambleGibbon? Previous tour bookies were either mathematical geniuses, or inveterate gamblers, and generally covered their risks, a concept that seems to take a back seat to the lure of getting another fiver staked by offering some generous or ridiculous odds. Do you see yourself running this service for longer than PedroPower or BetRon? What prices are you offering for the Presidents Classic? And have you got some view of the OoM yet?

Running GambleGibbon is just another hurdle to clear on the way to victory this year. I plan that GambleGibbon will make a fortune this year.

Presidents

Pres 7/1

Noz 13/2

Butters 6/1

Proff 10/1

Bruce 5/1

TD 1/2

Wooly 13/2

Miller 6/1

Donk 6/1

Curt 7/1

Aust 13/2

Tour Director gets the horn…

The sun shone on the fourth event of the WHVGS year, the eagerly anticipated first major tournament of the season.

Fresh from a trip to even sunnier climes, as attested by the orange hue to his complexion, the Tour Director was feeling calm and relaxed – for several short seconds until it transpired that, following his absence for only slightly longer than a week, there were reports of Board resignations.

Despite the initial ‘buy your own breakfast at the services’ suggestion, once the society assembled at the Clubhouse, the Idiot Hall proved that he had surpassed himself with the choice of venue. He also provided a new society asset in the form of the Antique Green Bristol bottle, had organised a 9-hole warm up event with ‘Sportball’ format, had sorted the food and drink and even popped his credit card behind the bar to encourage extortionate expenditure, which immediately prompted close scrutiny of the champagne list.

With the ‘half-minor’ morning event completed, the players were buoyed by the arrival of Nozzle who had arrived from delays in deepest Wales linked to very complicate dental childcare issues – thankfully the prognosis was now sufficiently good to allow him to continue his impressive attendance record on the WHVGS tour.

Ten hearty souls were split into 2 threeballs and a fourball and play began, with the only evident howler being the Idiot who, having selected an iron for his first tee shot proceeded to shank it sideways into the right hand copse – the golfing gods however chose to smile as the ball bounced back into play…and the game was on…

The leading threeball made good ground although the middle group were not making such good progress and often left the trailing fourball wondering what the devil they were doing, although it later transpired that the almost evangelical Milmore had been imparting some golfing wisdom…between sauntering back down the fairway to play replacement balls.

The final group contained 3 players who have seen their handicaps rise significantly as part of the enhanced handicapping system introduced in the past 18 months and this resulted in some impressive Stapleforth scoring from all involved.

A nearest the pin spot prize was contested on the front nine, which was scooped by Nozzle, earning himself 4 bob and a new cap.

At the turn, the TD had amassed 22 points although the tournament was far from over as the course began to bite back, forcing several non-scoring holes on the back nine. The shark was up for grabs on the back nine and this was claimed by Campo, having played a fine shot to 10 feet to scoop 4 bob, although no shark headcover…

The longest drive had been moved to 18 and this was claimed by some bloke called Dick and had bizarrely been marked by a driver head snapped at mid-shaft to signify the 4 bob winning distance.

The players assembled at the clubhouse to hear the verdict and it was revealed that the TD had triumphed with 38 points to claim the second Major title of his WHVGS career, with the princely sum of £17.50 to be claimed at the AGM. The TD’s acceptance speech consisted entirely of a poor attempted sounding of the Brissle Horn, which resembled somebody trying to blow up a hot water bottle. The TD was also proud to claim the Antique Brissle Green bottle and new cap.

Butters posted 34 points to claim the Runner-up prize of 13 bob and a cap.

The presentations were finished by the payment of 5 bob to the President and 10 bob to the society by the Idiot for losing the Matsuyama bet on the US Masters.

In a linked but separate matter, GambleGibbon also recorded a post-event profit of 15 bob.

Full results:

Oh, and Rob provided a video too – I’ll upload it once it’s gone through YouTube.