Here is the match report for our three time CJ victor. Bruce has done a fair job, but nothing ever approaches the level of loving detail that Dougal likes to include when reliving his triumphs in the Big One.

WHV Golf Society 2011 Claret Jug Entrants

To supplement the words, I’ve included some pictures of the weekend (still considering if YouTube will host raunchy videos), and some of the performance tables. A number of members might need to consider where they dropped points over the weekend – strangely low point accumulation on the par 5s from some of the society “Big Boys” and the gang of “2 Point Pirates” on the Par Fives.

Bruce’s Report – all Spelling is the author’s own

15^th – 16^th October 2011 WHV Claret Jug at Celtic Manor

Attendances:-  Pres, TD, Ron, Juice, Campo, Aust, Bacon, Donk, Noz, Millers, Idiot, Prof & Hugh

Firstly I would like to thank last year’s winner and President, Dougal Baxter for an amazing choice of venue and excellent organisation of this event.  I think I can speak for all 13 members who attended that it was a very successful weekend and that we were privileged to play 3 great courses (1 for the Amy Austin).

1^st round – Twenty Ten course

Chilling whilst Wales Failed

The 1^st round of the CJ  kicked off in style with Wales getting a man sent off in the Rugby World cup semi final for a blatant spear tackle (although our Welsh hosts and Members did not see it quite like that…) a tour of the 2010 club house and the use of the locker room which the European Ryder cup team had used. Our President had organised for all members to have a personalised locker next to one of the Ryder cup players. I was lucky enough to be put next to Rory McIlroy’s locker, which must have been an omen. We were then taken by bus to the 1^st tee and practice area. This might be the first time in the history of the CJ that we have ever warmed up before trying to hit a pearl of a drive down the middle of the fairway.

Personal lockers were a classy touch

Grandfather of Ibiza in Grandad Jumper

New Dad, New Job Title, But Only 15 points on Day One

Casually waiting for the group shot

Having a proper warm up

All to play for on Saturday Morning

I was going to add a superb picture here of all the members standing on the 1^st tee with the original Ryder Cup signage  in the back ground but some joker ruined the photo!!

The balls were thrown up, the groups decided with a random American joining the last group and at last the 2011 CJ started. (The week before the random American had been round Wentworth with Ernie Els, so god knows of what he thought of his round with the TD….)

Overall I know everyone really enjoyed playing the 2010 course, it certainly was very challenging as there seemed to be bunkers or water anywhere you hit the ball. Which meant scoring was going to be hard, but not impossible. Campo hit 22 on the front 9 and if it wasn’t for him exploding on the last 4 holes he would have been the club house leader, that honour went to me with 38 points. I was lucky enough to have found some form at last or it was leaving the pub early on the Friday whilst everyone else got hammered, I’m not sure?

Not a bad looking track, the 2010. Quiet too.

I can’t talk about everyone’s round but my shot of the Day was from the Prof hitting a 3 wood 220 yards out of a bunker, and he called it. That was closely forward by his 3^rd short at the 18^th, he was in the rough with a bad lie and managed to hit it 180 yards over water and land it 2 foot from the pin. Brilliant shot even if he didn’t know he had done it until he got on the green.

Watching the boys come home

Unnecessary stressing about the tee times for Sunday

So after the first round the prizes went to:-

Juice                            Club House Leader                 38 points

Web Donk                   Big Dog – longest drive

President                     Shark – nearest the pin

After a memorable round it was back to the club house, were we where each presented with a marvellous named metal bag tag / medal to help us remember our 2010 experience and then back to the hotel  to change for our evening at the local pub and curry house. The highlights have the bloke crying out side the bogs because his mates had got him a stripper and Noz being the gentleman that he is and taking his seat, our President not drinking (although it didn’t help his form much), the club house leader having the extendable fork “stolen”, Aust shouting at the TD, Noz and Butters having a row about bullying and most of the members ordering tea and coffee at midnight. Who said we are getting old?

Evening Photos

Organised as ever

On the way for the Saturday Evening festivities

Millers Footwear Again

Members looking non-plussed at pool action on 2 nights running

Somehow Rob and Ron end up in prime stripper watching position

But not as prime as Noz, who did the decent thing and rescued the naked lady from having no-one to peform for

Waiting outside our curry venue, and boy, did we have to wait

Eating late, and then Bruce has to use the Extend-a-Fork (RIP)

Sharing Forkage with the Captain

For some reason, Rob had found a porcelain phallus, and brought it with him

Port Cock is Born

TD looking particularly demonic as he accepts the gimp trophy

And so begins the reading of the indictment sheet. It went on a bit.

Look how much Campo loves the TD

Presenting the Nicklaus Fiver to the Society

A new artefact for our treasure trove

Bruce ordered some form of kebab that was 90% grilled onion

Pete knows to bring a mopping rag with him when handling a wang

Mike gets the helmet in

Aust is more circumspect

Noz lovingly cups the Japs Eye

Back to Bruce’s Match Report…

2^nd round – Roman Road Course

Every Inch the Golfer at Leisure

So Close to the Fabled 'Full House'

Warming Up in the Sunshine

First Ever Shark and Third Six Pound Argyll of the Weekend

So to the final round, this was going to be an interesting day with at least 7 members in with a chance of winning. We all set off with clean clubs and the chance of becoming the 2011 CJ winner. The final group was Me, Campo, Donk & TD with me having a 3 point lead over Campo.

Pres sprays another drive off the first - just on the edge of the frame

Millers gets going

Huge seemed to have a better round on Sunday

Aust starts a charge

Ron places at the Jug again

On the way to keep the lead for most of the day

It was always going to be decided by whoever could hold their nerve and both myself and Campo found the first few holes a struggle, especially as we heard that Aust was on a charge. Luckily for us it didn’t last long and by the 9^th it was clear that it was between myself and Campo. By this stage he had got to within 1 point, it was going to be a very tight finish.

After the 13th Campo had taken a 1 point lead and I was thinking 2^nd wasn’t a bad result, especially as my drive on the 14^th followed Campo’s drive into the water!! He then knocked his drop onto the green and mine ended up in the water again and I ended up 2 points down. Surely it was all over?

But on the very next hole the pressure of leading the CJ can get to anyone and Campo’s next tee shot found the stream and I was able to snatch a point back and by the 16^th I had edged back into the lead. An out of bounds drive on the 17^th by Campo meant he had to score four points on the 18^th to win. I managed to keep my nerve and won my 3^rd CJ and the honour of wearing the Green Jacket for the 2^nd time and organising next year’s CJ

A special note should go to those Members backed themselves on the Celtic Manor Par 3 Challenge holes and particularly those who won free rounds – Ron (on both Saturday and Sunday), the Idiot and Baxter (Sunday).

The final scores where:-

Juice                2011 Claret Jug Winner          71 points

Campo             Runner up                               67 points

Ron                 3^rd Place                                   61 points

Noz                 Sunday Best                            35 points

Aust                King of the par 3s

Juice                King of the par 3s

Idiot                Sunday Shark – nearest the pin

Ron                 Sunday Hulk and Big Dog – (easily) the longest drive

Waiting for the prizes

Rob Sharks

Happy winner and Happy Pres

Impromptu Car Park Cheese Board

There was some cracking cheese available for the late departers

Not clear if the punishment has been served as only a minority of members partook of the cheese

Performance for the Weekend

2011 Claret Jug

2011 Prizes

2011 CJ King of Threes

2011 CJ King of Fives

The Chase for the 2011 Claret Jug

I have several clips from the evening, but these two demonstrate the extremes of society members.

First the President and Bruce chin their punishments almost quicker than I can capture.

Then Noz shows what it really feels like to put a Motown anything to the sword.

Players,

The PEDRO Masters has been booked for the Menzies Cambridge Golf Club

Cheers,

Pedro – Captain, WHV Golf Society

Helping Rob design better products

http://www.menzies-hotels.co.uk/golf/cambridge-golf-club/index.aspx

Tough looking hole for WHV members

All for the price of £32 per person. I was asked to book a later round to allow people to get there so I have negotiated a ‘twilight’ deal: can we please target 13.30 arrival so that the fines system will be understood.  

Important Note: Soft Spikes only

Sunset is due 19.25 and I am informed we will get around before then. I and my fellow board members will be ensuring the new R6 is applied (the Almanac is undergoing a refresh to ensure all updates since inception are presented in a consistent manner). This is awaiting final editorial approval & the inclusion of the WHVGS Asset Register but the content below is Approved by the board and in play.

There are seven or eight of us staying on to enjoy Freshers weekend in Cambridge. Myself and Noz have each donated twin hotel rooms at the Holiday Inn. I have paid for 2 more twin rooms at a total of £212.50, meaning if Ron stays it is a miraculous £26 each.   I would like to personally thank Mr W Spittle for his very generous offer, proving that although he lost his board position due to Ron’s impressive election campaign he very much continues to show huge personal commitment to the WHV cause.   I will not, however, thank Bruce for initially advising me he could put three people up – originally meaning the overnight stay would be free for all. Then clearing it with the missus. Then ‘phoning me to inform me what he actually cleared was that Hannah could have all her friends over, so as well as the three society members he would also now personally require hotel accomodation in his own home town. The Moron.

CAMBRIDGE Holiday Inn
LAKE VIEW, BRIDGE ROAD
CAMBRIDGE CB4 9PH
+44-0871-9429015

Staying Captain Nozzer Pres Moron – see above Ads Miller Bacon

Possibly Staying Ron

Just Playing Donk TD Campo Aust

R6 Avoidance of Slow Play

R6.1 Pick Up – If the player can not score Stapleforth or has lost a match play hole they must pick their ball up if not caused to wait by the group ahead.

R6.2 Maximum time looking for lost balls – if the ball is lost in a place where it would be hard to find the member can only spend 3 minutes looking for it if not caused to wait by the group ahead.

R6.3 Derestricted honours – players can and should take shots outside of the honours format from tee to green to speed up play.  This includes the temporary removal of a flag (or not if R3.2. employed) to putt while waiting a player to walk to his ball.

R6.4 General competence – when on the green buggies, trolleys and bags must be parked between the green and the route to the next tee.

Bacon at the Signature 2nd Hole

Fair to say that the season curtain raiser was a shambles – the course was in shocking condition, the holes for the Big Dog and Shark were not pre-ordained, there was no Breakfast at all, the tee off times ensured a finish in twilight/darkness for most of the field, temporary tees amongst earth moving equipment, driving rain.

Even the Prof was disappointed by the proximity of ‘traffic’ and decided that the TD should get grief for delivering Netto Quality golf at Waitrose prices. He did not like the main road by the tee.

Busy Week at Shirly GC

However, before we got to see just how wet, muddy and rubbish the course was, we were full of optimisim for the season ahead. There were even on-course prices for the event and the OoM, with the Web Donkey installed as favourite for the big one, despite his New Dad and Post-Op status meaning he’s off the fags and sausages – just ask Darren Clarke how hard it is to golf without those two items in your pocket.

Board Members Dream of Their Ideal Nicknames

As the event sponsor was running late due to either a late lunch or a black eye, it fell to the President to do the first ball drop of the year.

New players rep gets everywhere...

Eventually Noz got us underway with the WHV Spoon…

Nicola took her Lady Driver back

As for the results – Bruce won, but that will all follow in his match report, and when I get the chance to put the scores in the system.

Not long till Combe/Spittle Shield

Obviously a case of Caveman Testosterone vs. Renaissance Foppery

The course was harder than normal and the scores did reflect this but I think everyone enjoyed the challenge, the weather was great and some good golf was played. We decided to have 2 nearest the pin holes which where won by Simon Harrison and myself (£7.50each). The longest drive was won by Adam Hogarth (£10.00) only using a 3 wood, who needs a driver?? Shot of the day for me was by Pete (with his Vegas sun tan) on a par 3 he had driven his ball into the deep rough on a steep bank slopping down to the green at the back left, with his fish slice he managed to chip the ball 30 yards up in the air and land it within 2 foot of the hole and make his Par. GREAT GOLF.

The overall winning was myself (£33) with 32 points, 2nd was Simon Harrison (£22) with 29 points (20 on the back 9). The new leader of the order of merit goes to Simon Harrison who has taken over from Paul Milmore, who slips down to 3rd place with myself sandwiched between them in 2nd place. For winning the Spittle Shield I was presented with the Spittle Munich Beer Mug which will be used for drinking beer at the 2009 Claret Jug weekend.

Well done to all for making it a good event and I look forward to seeing you all at the Harry Hall in May.