Well done to Aust for ticking another major off on the SLAM – WHVGolf.com is looking to deliver some exciting developments in this area during the off season – get ready to be thrilled…

Here’s the report – I don’t have the cards yet, but the points from the Handicap thingy should let me pull an OoM together before the Amy & JUG.

No pictures or anything from the PEDRO, as I understand that Tropical Storm Irene was approaching Northamptonshire at the time, so here’s a nice picture from the internets.

Looking forward to your 2nd Marriage?

THE PEDRO MASTERS – 17^th SEPTEMBER 2011

MATCH REPORT

The Pedro Masters was held at Hellidon Lakes Golf and Spa Hotel near Daventry.  The players arrived ready for what was expected to be a hotly contested tournament.  Excitement was also high with the return of Pedro Power for the first time this season.

Players were greeted by the overly helpful golf assistant at the hotel, whilst he seemed keen to tell all of the players every detail about the day, all of the players were far more interested in the story that was unfolding from Pedro about the previous nights events with our antipodean friend.  Whilst the story was not particularly clear (mainly due to Pedro still appearing to be feeling the effects of the alcohol he had consumed – as Dougal’s car could testify to) it appears that a fairly normal evening out with Mr Clegg had involved 17 year old vigilantes and 6 police cars – at this stage the whereabouts of Mr Clegg was still unknown.

Lots were drawn for the betting order with Pedro Power, following which the final group was decided as Professor, the President, Noz and Aust.

The golf course itself was interesting and in good nick whilst, luckily for the eventual winner, it was also fairly short and despite its name involved very little water.

Having waited for a long while for the first green to clear none of the players proceeded to manage to actually hit the green and unfortunately after just one hole the rain appeared.

Despite the wet conditions it soon became clear that the greens were particularly tricky with some unexpectedly quick downhill puts to be found.

The longest drive was held on the 8^th and was won by Pal O’ Onions (£5) despite valiant efforts from Noz and the Professor to outdo him.

With lightening closing in over the last few holes the players bravely continued (despite serious risk of death).  The nearest the pin was held on the 18^th and won by Pedro (£5) with a soaring iron shot.

The eventual winner was Aust (£40) with 39 points followed by The TD with 36 points (£23).

————————————–

Having now read this, I agree with Noz – it makes you miss match reports from Mike!

Dear all

The PEDRO masters will be held on Saturday 17th September.

•     Can you please confirm your attendance by Friday; 4 tee-times are reserved for now – I need to confirm Friday.
•     Can you also let me know if you’ll be staying over the night so I can source the “best” accomodation.

Should you have any queries feel free to contact me but please first refer to the Q&A section below in case the answer you need is there.

Cheers,

Prof

Q&A

 1. From I Hall, Avon – “Will it be at some Lake Happy Corporate Venue? I do so hate traditional parkland & links golf.”

Of Course it will you Idiot, the golf will be played at Hellidon Lakes in Daventry (http://www.qhotels.co.uk/hotels/hellidon-lakes-daventry.aspx)

 2. From C Gregory, W Mids – “Will I have to bring my own bacon roll?”

Of course not TD, that would be ridiculous. Bacon Roll & coffee will be served from 11 o’clock for an 11.40 tee-off

3. From C Lanman, W Mids – “Do they serve catfood in tomato sauce?”

  There will be pie and chips for lunch afterwards. Unfortunately Curt I cannot guarantee they serve that particular filling.

4. From T Begley, W Mids – “Does it provide value for money?”

Of course it does Beggles. PEDRO Power are sponsoring it and all of the above will cost you £35.

5. From P Milmore, W Mids – “So that will be all of my outlay?”

    Don’t be daft son. You will also have to provide the TD with a tenner for competition entry.

6. From M Alsopp, W Mids. “So how much money will I win?”

   Well Mike, the PEDRO Master is the Money event of the tour. Thw winner will recieve the cash usually reserved for 1st and 2nd place combined. (At the AGM, if you attend it, obviously). 

7. From S Cooper, W Mids – “But I remember picking up cash for coming second?”

That’s correct Steve – the PEDRO Power operates a unique fines-for-second-place formula, with a maximum total fine of £5 per player. This pot you can take home on the day if you’re 2nd.

8. From W Spittle, W Mids – “Is that all of the prizes available?”

Noz – this is sponsored by PEDRO Power, so of course not. There’s the £5 per nearest the pin in the final fourball for a start. You know, when the 3 players who have bet the most with PEDRO Power play Pedro as the last fourball of the day? Well any of those 3 could win an extra five pounds per hole.

9. From S Harrison, W Mids – “So apart from winning bets at generous prices, I could pick up £25 even if I finish last?”

And that’s not all Donk. Due to the outraged feedback at the Captain’s matchplay not actually being a matchplay event, PEDRO Power will further be sponsoring a free-to enter post event matchplay simulator to the tune of £20 to the winner.

10. From a BetRon representative, W Mids – “PEDRO Power are great aren’t they?”

Yes

11. From A Austin, W Mids – “Do they have buggies?”

Yes, I can reserve them if you let me know.

12. From D Compton, London – “The PEDRO is a fantastic event isn’t it?”

  Indeed it is Dave. Get sucked in.

13. From B Hopkin, W Mids – “Can I bring new members?”

Of course you can Brucey. Remember the £10 membership and £25 shirt fees, and penalty for underhandicapping people you introduce if they do well.

13. From D Baxter, W Mids – “Is there a danger that the PEDRO Masters will overtake the President’s Classic to become the 2nd best event on tour??”

It’s possible Pres, it’s just possible….

Here is the text of his Pre-AGM missive

Pedro out. Vote Ron.

· 2 years ago the Captains cup in Ilfracombe did not involve the Captain

· This year he turned up to the Captains Match Play, but did not even organise it himself (perhaps this is one of the reasons why the course was the 2nd worst we played all year)

· After the Claret Jug he wrote an inaccurate match report and refused to change it

· He makes up bizarre rants about speakers because he doesn’t understand the most basic of technologies

· He doesn’t even let people order his curry for him.

The TD responded by nominating Noz for 2011 TD.

Here’s hoping there are more than 3 of us left by the time we get to vote for the board – otherwise I’ll be demanding FIFA style “recognition” for my vote.

Players,

The PEDRO Masters has been booked for the Menzies Cambridge Golf Club

Cheers,

Pedro – Captain, WHV Golf Society

Helping Rob design better products

http://www.menzies-hotels.co.uk/golf/cambridge-golf-club/index.aspx

Tough looking hole for WHV members

All for the price of £32 per person. I was asked to book a later round to allow people to get there so I have negotiated a ‘twilight’ deal: can we please target 13.30 arrival so that the fines system will be understood.  

Important Note: Soft Spikes only

Sunset is due 19.25 and I am informed we will get around before then. I and my fellow board members will be ensuring the new R6 is applied (the Almanac is undergoing a refresh to ensure all updates since inception are presented in a consistent manner). This is awaiting final editorial approval & the inclusion of the WHVGS Asset Register but the content below is Approved by the board and in play.

There are seven or eight of us staying on to enjoy Freshers weekend in Cambridge. Myself and Noz have each donated twin hotel rooms at the Holiday Inn. I have paid for 2 more twin rooms at a total of £212.50, meaning if Ron stays it is a miraculous £26 each.   I would like to personally thank Mr W Spittle for his very generous offer, proving that although he lost his board position due to Ron’s impressive election campaign he very much continues to show huge personal commitment to the WHV cause.   I will not, however, thank Bruce for initially advising me he could put three people up – originally meaning the overnight stay would be free for all. Then clearing it with the missus. Then ‘phoning me to inform me what he actually cleared was that Hannah could have all her friends over, so as well as the three society members he would also now personally require hotel accomodation in his own home town. The Moron.

CAMBRIDGE Holiday Inn
LAKE VIEW, BRIDGE ROAD
CAMBRIDGE CB4 9PH
+44-0871-9429015

Staying Captain Nozzer Pres Moron – see above Ads Miller Bacon

Possibly Staying Ron

Just Playing Donk TD Campo Aust

R6 Avoidance of Slow Play

R6.1 Pick Up – If the player can not score Stapleforth or has lost a match play hole they must pick their ball up if not caused to wait by the group ahead.

R6.2 Maximum time looking for lost balls – if the ball is lost in a place where it would be hard to find the member can only spend 3 minutes looking for it if not caused to wait by the group ahead.

R6.3 Derestricted honours – players can and should take shots outside of the honours format from tee to green to speed up play.  This includes the temporary removal of a flag (or not if R3.2. employed) to putt while waiting a player to walk to his ball.

R6.4 General competence – when on the green buggies, trolleys and bags must be parked between the green and the route to the next tee.

Dear Web Donkey
 
    As Administrator of the WHV website can you please post the following concern to the WHV Golf Society.
 
    Following the 2006 WHV Open (colloquially refered to as the “Claret Jug”) held at the Vale in Cardiff, a member of our illustrious society used the captive audience to peddle some electronic goods at a supposedly discounted rate. Freshly elated from the competition and full of general WHV cheer, I – like many other competitors – proceded to procure a selection of the said equipment. One of these items purchased in such good faith was the Saitek A-250 wireless speaker, a.k.a “The Baguette”. I never imagined for a second that the introducing member would sully the good name of our community by using the opportunity to offload faulty goods with skin-shivering impudence.
 
    A mere four years on I have found a use for this device, having installed a PC in the study of my current abode and subsequently uploaded many of my CDs onto iTunes. Imagine my dismay on discovering it does not, in fact, work. Nothing happens when you plug it in. Absolutely. Nothing. At. All. I can assure you there is no user or external factor at play here, having validated the issue by employing the same 6v dc power adaptor that manages to faithfully and consistently spoon-feed the constant stream of electrons that are gobbled up so voraciously by its sister product, the A-200 at every attempt.

The Product in the Dock

 
    Quality product design can be expressed as fairly equal helpings of functionality, usability and reliability – regrettably none of these attributes is displayed to a single degree by the sorry unresponsive unit hovering spitefully in my peripheral vision. This is not the kind of delicious baguette one consumes alongside a 1936 Bordeaux whilst sporting the Green Jacket. One does not even feed it to les canards after topping a ball into the lake off the first tee. One is, in fact, most likely to belatedly realise it was employed as the local thug’s tool of choice for battering down the door to the gents changing room immediately prior to their relieving you of all your possessions. Whilst you were out merrily compiling 18 blobs in a row. On a 9 hole course.
 
    Of course I immediately sought the most obvious channel to resolve my concerns, Saitek’s website. This is where the first slight chill of unease dicomforted me momentarily; being but a brief foretaste of a doom that would be all too swiftly realised – that coldest and most turgid of December drips that heralds the relentless assault of the bitterest of winters. Even though every other site recognises my geographical locale and therefore employs the simplest of algorithms to present its content in English(UK), Saitek decides on, well… French. Even those of a minimal creative bent may notice somewhat of a perverse trend in the application of design principles by now.  Now, while the Saitek website (French) renders a comforting set of options including computer peripherals, by clicking on the icon to change language to English(UK) one is summarily whisked off to a sub-site wholly and exclusively concerned with various controls that can be used, should one wish, to fly aeroplanes.

Typical Frenchman

Only not really. It’s search facility is no doubt extensive should you desire the correct combination of devices to both (a)  inform you of the current level of portside downforce and (b) allow you to correct it. Before your 90 year old mum calls you downstairs for dinner.  As I write this communique right now, with disgusting irony Grandaddy’s “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot” – formerly one of my favourite laid-back melodic tracks – is being relayed to the A-200 by iTunes. This song is now forever corrupted in my subconcious by this evil circumstantial juxtaposition – He’s an Idiot, my Speaker makes no sound – and what the feck’s Pilots got do do with it all anyway?
 
    In desperation, sir, I implore you to invite that august body – the WHVGS board – to consider my grievance at the saturday evening of the Claret Jug; and take a view as to whether there is anything can be done, not so much as to recompense me; but to ensure that members of this good society remain inviolate from the depredations of such seedy snake oil salesmen in future.
 
Yours sincerely
Professor R Ash.

Following this prompt from Rob/Idiot –

Have I missed any communications on the PEDRO Masters? I am so keen to attend, but am a bit nervous after not playing in a Society event for a while. Ideally I’d like some refresher lessons from your good self beforehand. I do want to play better golf – I do, I do, I do.

Will it still be full stapleforth, (no multliball)? I also heard you were thinking of applying obverse mulligans – is this true?

Please, Please, Please can you let me know before I wet myself in anticipation.
 
Yours frenetically,
Idiot   

The Captain has now released the eagerly awaited details of the 3rd Major of the tour.

Dear WHVGS.
 
As you all know, when the much-anticipated Players’ Rep’s Skins tournament finishes this Saturday, it will very much be a case of looking forward to the the PEDRO Masters. 
 
May I remind you that the PEDRO Masters is:

 THE money event of the tour; with it’s unique, patented, fines-for-second-place formula. Plus the donation by Pedro Power to fund the par 3 competition for the ‘final fourball’: those who have bet the most money on the event on Saturday having a chance to win £5 per par 3 on the course. And this year, incredibly, Pedro Power are funding the entire event by a further £20 – as they did the Captains; and twice the amount they funded the Brizzle. What a great sponsor Pedro Power are.
The LAST Major of the 2010 tour before the WHV Open. Absolutely ESSENTIAL to earn those ranking points in order that there is no mountain to climb in order to lift the Claret Jug.

So I need to know your availability in order to book tee-times. This year the event will be:

• Held in or near Cambridge on Saturday 11th September
• with tee times starting after midday to enable travel time
• Course fees in the region of £30 for 18 holes of championship golf.
• £10 entrance fees, plus a fines liability which will be a guaranteed maximum of £5 for those playing really badly.
• Optional night out in Cambridge

 Please reply ASAP to tell me if you are

• Up for the PEDRO Masters
• Up for a night out with stay-over

Cheers, Captain
 
p.s. Rob – obverse mulligans will not be applied at the PEDRO Masters. Sorry.

Good work by the Idiotographer.