As part of my 2012 drive to get more detail from the big winners on tour, here are the surprisingly measured and mature responses from young Noz after winning the Skins by about the same margin as Neptune won the National.

WHVGOLF.COM: Captain, it’s been a long time since you savoured the sweet taste of victory, how are you feeling?

William Spittle: Delighted, being honest I’ve been expecting a win for a little while now. I’m probably 2-3 shots over handicapped at the minute but I hope to get back down to around 18 by the end of the season.

WHVGOLF.COM: The Web Donk was witness to the ding dong battle between you and the TD, and saw how visibly deflated you were at that chip in on the 18th – did you really want to murder him at that point? More than you would do anyway…

William Spittle: I wouldn’t say deflated, I still had a 12 foot putt to make a gross birdie on the 18th. I was pretty sure that making the putt would mean a win for me and that if I missed Gregs would probably win. The only person who was close to a punch in the face was Mike who decide to start shouting abuse when I was addressing the putt. Very poor etiquette once again and I can understand why Aust threatened to lamp him on the 18th at the PEDRO last year. He needs to learn how to behave on a golf course.

WHVGOLF.COM: What was sweeter – winning the prestigious minor or taking Gamble Gibbon for nearly two pairs of Hi Tec shoes?

William Spittle: The 5 pound win bet I had on myself at 15/2 made it even sweeter, but I have to say getting back on the winning trail was more important to me.

WHVGOLF.COM: How much of the edge was taken off seeing the TD completely forget about Gamble Gibbon as ‘Come on Neptune son’ nosed the National?

William Spittle: None at all, I was pleased for him.

WHVGOLF.COM: Is this the start of Noz bouncing back? Will you be up there challenging Bacon for titles, rather than leading the chorus of ‘Boring Boring Bacon’ as has been the case throughout the handicap anomaly that has given him two stars?

William Spittle: I expect to be there or thereabouts come the end of the season, the chants of boring boring Bacon will continue until he stops being boring and adds a bit of flair to his game..

WHVGOLF.COM: Finally, any message for the readers of, as victor of the (PR) Skins 2012?

William Spittle: Just 2 people, Aust and Pete who both let themselves down this weekend. Very disappointing from them both.


Avid readers might note that there was no interview with the winner of the Gibbon. This was an editorial decision taken mainly in view of the semi-literate match report and general lack of excitement that accompanies any wins by Juice – he is the big hitting Bacon.

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