The Skins Match Report

The Players Reps Skins was organised by the President this year and I can already taste the Cheese and smell the 20 year old Tawny as a result. In all fairness to the PR it was a good move on his part as this was the second best event that has ever had his name to it, the best one being when he didn’t organise or attend the Captains Match play a couple of years ago.

My day started scrabbling around my garage for my golf shoes, both pairs of which I can’t find anymore. In all the panic I didn’t have time to grab the Shark from its pride of place on my bookshelf in the study from where it can be seen by all the neighbours. After picking up Gregs from outside Costa I remembered the Shark whilst still in Solihull but was prevented from returning for it by the days designated driver, and well known handicap fiddler, Bacon. As it turned out no-one was able to hit the green so it didn’t matter anyway and the matter was quickly forgotten by all.

The drive up was relatively straight forward, Mike had printed off some vague directions for us to follow in preference to using the Sat Nav system he had stored in the drivers side passenger door. Needless to say we got lost as soon as we got off the motorway and drove around in circles for a while, eventually we booted up the Sat Nav and arrived 5 minutes later. I quickly purchased a snazzy pair of Hi-Tec golf shoes for 25 pounds in the pro shop and went to enjoy my bacon sandwich. Unfortunately the roll was too big and the bacon to miserly, a 6 / 10.

There was a starter on the first tee, she was a woman, this excited Gregs and he set about confusing her immediately. We all teed off, some more successfully than others and the skins was on.

I’m not certain what went on in the other group, but, myself, Adam and Gregs all played pretty solid golf, Donk less so. I played my joker on the 3rd and got the net birdie for an additional skin and was also the only one of our group to hit the green and led from that point onwards. Adam was unlucky not to win more skins, whenever he came in on a hole someone always tied it. The Donk tried to introduce uncertainty to the round and put off his competitors as he fell apart, questioning the scoring system, fortunately he had it wrong.

I won the longest drive hole shaping a lovely draw down the fairway, my ball coming to rest 20 yards beyond Baxter and approximately 10 yards beyond Gregs who already believed he had it won. The Big Bertha 13.5 degree ladies driver had done it again, maybe some of the shorter hitters in the society should consider whether they are using appropriate equipment?

Gregs reined me in and heading to the 18th we knew it was very close, he still had his Joker to play. He missed the green, I hit it with a beautifully weighted soaring 7 iron to about 12ft and I was confident that it would be enough for the win, but then disaster! I was off chatting to the lead group and heard a yell, Gregs had chipped in, no-one else saw it but he had got the birdie and possibly the hole. I needed my 12 foot putt, believing that not only would it win me the competition but also win my 5 pound bet at 7.5/1 with Gamble Gibbon. Bearing in mind the unplanned shoe purchase earlier in the day I really need the cash. I lined the putt up, a slight left to right, had my customary 3 or 4 practise swings and addressed the ball.

It was at this point that Bacon started shouting some rubbish from the side of the green about slow play. I showed great restraint and prevented myself from carrying out a vicious physical attack on him and chose to refocus on nailing the winning putt. I missed it.

Back in the clubhouse we had some pie and chips and a couple of pints, there was no sign of any cat food and the pie was actually ok. Donk and Dougal totted up the skins scores and, believing that I had lost on the last hole, tried to sell my bet back to Gregs for 20 pound so I could cover the cost of the shoes, he refused and no compromise could be reached. Baxter announced the results and me and Gregs were tied on 12 skins each (Adam and Bruce were delighted to find they were tied together by foreskins….again). It went to count back, who had won the most outright holes across the 2 groups, tied again, then the nearest the pin skin, neither of us had won, so went to the longest drive skin. Victory!! The ladies driver had done it again. I was £57.50 better off, enough for 2 pairs of Hitec golf shoes, and was back on the winning trail.

Not one for overt displays of emotion I calmly accepted the new gold medal provided by The Shropshire and the free round on October 26th to play in a society winners event. I didn’t receive the Dog, I’m not certain why it wasn’t available for presentation I can only hope that it is prominently displayed in the house of whoever is in possession of it.

The Shropshire was a good course although a little rough around the edges and the day was a good one, thanks to the Pres for stepping in on behalf of Pedro. Aside from the below par Bacon rolls the only regret that I think we all came away with was that West Brom didn’t get thumped by QPR..

To summarise, I won, I took Gamble Gibbon to the cleaners, I won 10 pounds, I won 5 pounds, no-one won 5 pounds and Greggers won 5 pounds.

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