The inaugural Player’s Rep’s Skins Tournament was played on Saturday 14th August at Stonebridge Golf Club. It was obvious very early on that the years of planning that had gone into the event had paid off. We all arrived on time to be greeted by WHV and Cooper & Brown banners. 
Bacon rolls (high bread to bacon ratio) and tea and coffee arrived on time and the rules were expertly explained to us by the Player’s Rep. We were then informed of the draw, which, unsurprisingly, given the years of planning, had already taken place and finally we were handed our personalised score cards. Yes, I did say, “personalised”. By this point I hadn’t done any thinking for myself whatsoever and I was consequently feeling very much at home, very relaxed and raring to go. Can I suggest all future WHV tour events should be organised in such a way that I don’t have to think for myself.
We were then ushered over to the driving range for a Captain’s master class with a difference. Our esteemed Captain was to take on the Club professional in a stroke-making dual. The results of which are now available to view on the WHV website, www.whvgolf.com Power draws and fades were played expertly by the Captain and the course professional also surprised us all by pulling off some of the required strokes. It was quite clear that the Captain was performing quite brilliantly under pressure and I for one felt proud that this golfing giant was wearing the WHV insignia on his left breast. However, for some reason, not understood by most of us watching, the club professional was announced as the winner. Sporting injustices are discussed at length in the pubs and clubs of this great country, for example, who can forget the obvious on-side goal scored by Allsopp of Kirby Muxloe Juniors against Oadby & Wigston Juniors in March 1986 that was cruelly disallowed by a very biased linesman, but surely the injustice suffered by our very own Captain will be discussed at length over the coming years.
I suppose I should try and explain the actual rules of the Inaugural Player’s Reps Skins Competition. A “Skin” was awarded on each hole for the lowest net score and then spot “Skins” were awarded on several holes for nearest the pin, longest drive and straightest drive. If a hole “skin” was drawn, then that “skin” would not be won and it would carry over to the next hole. The player with the most “skins” at the end of the round would obviously be the winner. Hope that makes sense to you all. It obviously will to those of us who played, but you never know we may get non-players reading this.
The golf finally started around 1100. I was in the last group with the Pres, Webdonk and Austhuizen. We all started relatively well, however, the Pres started off at a fair old rate of knots and we were all convinced that he must have won himself 3 hole “skins” after the first 3 holes which he played beautifully. All 4 of us seemed pretty happy with our games. My own round really took off on the par 3 13th with a beautiful tee shot that finished 2 feet away.
I popped it in for a 2 and hopefully a hole “skin” and also picked up the nearest the pin “skin”. I then sent out a lovely drive on the 14th and won the “Big Dog” and the longest drive “Skin”. Finally, on the 18th, I again sent out a beautiful drive to once again nab the longest drive “skin”. Well when I say “beautiful” drive, I of course mean that I scuffed one 80 to 100 years down the fairway. However, it was on the fairway, and seeing as no one else among us managed that feat, I picked up my 4th and final “skin”. Happy days.
Finally, after a couple of hours counting and re-counting by the Player’s rep, the results and money prizes were announced as follows:
Winner
Bacon – 1 Hole Skin and 3 Spot Skins – long drive at the 14th and long drive with Big Dog at the 18th – nearest the pin at the 13th
Total prize money of £13.12 and the WHV signed group photo, which is now prominently positioned in full view of everyone who enters our study. Which I believe is in accordance with WHV rules. However, just to mention, the stand of the photo frame did actually fall off during the walk to the car park.
Tied 2nd
Pres – 2 Hole Skins and 1 Spot Skin for nearest the pin at the 3rd – £13.74
Captain – 3 Hole Skins – £16.86
Tied 4th
TD – 1 Hole Skin and 1 Spot Skin for Straightest Drive – £8.12
Aaron – 2 Spot Skins for nearest the pin at the 6th and nearest the pin and the Shard at the 17th – £5
Tied 6th
Aust – 1 Spot Skin for nearest the pin at the 8th – £2.50 plus a round with “Brown & Coops”.
Coops – 1 Hole Skin – £5.62
Post-match Note:
The Captain has asked me to mention the fact that I was prematurely called back from celebrating my win in the Vaults with the remaining society because – without warning me, the Donks’ missus led the Donk by the bridle to my gaff, whereupon my missus immediately recalled me to wash the dishes.
(More on this to follow)
It was disgraceful, that the Donk ruined a lovely evening with me and Pedro in the boozer.
that evening coinciding with your pregnant new wife’s birthday? after a full day of golf? you’ll see how you have to put selfishness aside once little nozerella arrives
oh, and was Millers not part of your lovely evening? I have his signature on a note here, something about ridiculous homosexuals