2020 Presidents Classic – Match Report

Again, the match report was provided by the victor in his own particular style – a photograph of some gibberish typed on branded stationery, distributed on WhatsApp. All the flair comes from the Donk and his camera.

25 July 2020 – Stratford Park Hotel & Golf Club

It is often said that the sun shines on the righteous…and there clearly wasn’t a significant degree of righteousness in the Stratford-upon-Avon area on the afternoon of the 2020 President’s Classic.

Despite the weather, the WHVGS Tour, having recently been decimated by the effects of the Coronavirus pandemic, was back in full swing on what should by rights have been a splendid English summers day.

Participants had been advised by the erstwhile President to assemble at the course well in advance of the 1.04pm starting tee-time, although only Finchy and the Players’ Representative were present at 12.50…forcing them to question whether they had actually both managed to end up at the incorrect venue.

Mercifully, a few more although notably not all, of the cohort appeared before the first tee time and, presumably as a penance for trying to order himself a cheeky blackcurrant J20, Ronno fired in a round of strong lagers for those present, taking the ante-tee San Miguel tally of the PR to two.

Unable to fill the Suisse Stein due to PK adding insult to previous injury, the PR was forced to saunter up the first fairway carrying a plastic pint pot whilst being joined by Hole-in-One Jon, Donko and Finchy.

During the ensuring 4 to 5 hours, several things either did or didn’t happen. Notably…:

Donko continued to struggle with the combined effects of invasive shoulder surgery and excessive marijuana-fuelled sex
Finchy hit the ball straight and not very far…or miles and right
Hole-in-one Jon failed to have a hole in one
It rained…quite a lot…and quite persistently
Tom turned up looking worse than Robinson Crusoe and wearing an ill fitting pair of long trousers which looked like they had been fashioned from one of the sails of the shipwreck
The longest drive was marked by one of the most impressive stones ever found on a golf course…ever…
The PR and Captain carried a Board decision that said stone should immediately be adopted as a society asset and a message was passed to the final group that PK should pop this in his bag as a penalty for again denying the PR the use of the Suisse Stein
[The Captain has a different recollection of this incident]
PK didn’t pick up the WHVGS stone
The PR won the Dog
Catto won the Shark
Due to the slow pace of play, the PR was forced to leave immediately after the round and before the results were announced
The PR vowed to submit a fine nomination against PK
Boycie apparently bought a round