WHVGolf.com is please to relay the following message:
Dear Web Donkey
As Administrator of the WHV website can you please post the following concern to the WHV Golf Society.
Following the 2006 WHV Open (colloquially refered to as the “Claret Jug”) held at the Vale in Cardiff, a member of our illustrious society used the captive audience to peddle some electronic goods at a supposedly discounted rate. Freshly elated from the competition and full of general WHV cheer, I – like many other competitors – proceded to procure a selection of the said equipment. One of these items purchased in such good faith was the Saitek A-250 wireless speaker, a.k.a “The Baguette”. I never imagined for a second that the introducing member would sully the good name of our community by using the opportunity to offload faulty goods with skin-shivering impudence.
A mere four years on I have found a use for this device, having installed a PC in the study of my current abode and subsequently uploaded many of my CDs onto iTunes. Imagine my dismay on discovering it does not, in fact, work. Nothing happens when you plug it in. Absolutely. Nothing. At. All. I can assure you there is no user or external factor at play here, having validated the issue by employing the same 6v dc power adaptor that manages to faithfully and consistently spoon-feed the constant stream of electrons that are gobbled up so voraciously by its sister product, the A-200 at every attempt.
Quality product design can be expressed as fairly equal helpings of functionality, usability and reliability – regrettably none of these attributes is displayed to a single degree by the sorry unresponsive unit hovering spitefully in my peripheral vision. This is not the kind of delicious baguette one consumes alongside a 1936 Bordeaux whilst sporting the Green Jacket. One does not even feed it to les canards after topping a ball into the lake off the first tee. One is, in fact, most likely to belatedly realise it was employed as the local thug’s tool of choice for battering down the door to the gents changing room immediately prior to their relieving you of all your possessions. Whilst you were out merrily compiling 18 blobs in a row. On a 9 hole course.
Of course I immediately sought the most obvious channel to resolve my concerns, Saitek’s website. This is where the first slight chill of unease dicomforted me momentarily; being but a brief foretaste of a doom that would be all too swiftly realised – that coldest and most turgid of December drips that heralds the relentless assault of the bitterest of winters. Even though every other site recognises my geographical locale and therefore employs the simplest of algorithms to present its content in English(UK), Saitek decides on, well… French. Even those of a minimal creative bent may notice somewhat of a perverse trend in the application of design principles by now. Now, while the Saitek website (French) renders a comforting set of options including computer peripherals, by clicking on the icon to change language to English(UK) one is summarily whisked off to a sub-site wholly and exclusively concerned with various controls that can be used, should one wish, to fly aeroplanes.
Only not really. It’s search facility is no doubt extensive should you desire the correct combination of devices to both (a) inform you of the current level of portside downforce and (b) allow you to correct it. Before your 90 year old mum calls you downstairs for dinner. As I write this communique right now, with disgusting irony Grandaddy’s “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot” – formerly one of my favourite laid-back melodic tracks – is being relayed to the A-200 by iTunes. This song is now forever corrupted in my subconcious by this evil circumstantial juxtaposition – He’s an Idiot, my Speaker makes no sound – and what the feck’s Pilots got do do with it all anyway?
In desperation, sir, I implore you to invite that august body – the WHVGS board – to consider my grievance at the saturday evening of the Claret Jug; and take a view as to whether there is anything can be done, not so much as to recompense me; but to ensure that members of this good society remain inviolate from the depredations of such seedy snake oil salesmen in future.
Professor R Ash.