It’s taken me this long to recover from the shock of Pete legitimately winning something by virtue of his golf skills alone. Excellent match reporting, and as I’m doing this from the train, I’ll try and add some photos from the day later
The Amy Austin 2010
The events that unfold below provide the story of the WHVGS Amy Austin tournament, held at Dartmouth Golf Club on Friday the 8th October in the year 2010. As I am only vaguely aware of my own participation in this competition some of the below may not be truly representative of fact – for which I wholeheartedly apologise to the society in advance.
For the first time in the recorded annals of WHVGS history, all 3 rounds of the claret jug weekend were played out on the same course; a triumph of poor endeavour over bad luck by erstwhile organiser Mr W Spittle (to whom – it must be said – all plaudits are due for a fine weekend indeed).
The field was very strong, with 11 of the 13 Jug entrants on show; and those 11 comprising the top of the OOM leaderboard. And Ads. And Noz. And the TD. Well, you get the general picture. Missing were the Idiot and Campo, which was no surprise at all. We all expected uber-shark Campo to turn up just for the Jug, win some cash by calmly playing Ron off the park somehow, and then shoot off home before the rush. And as for the Idiot – well, he hasn’t been turning up on tour recently as he’s been cycling a lot. Obviously, he’s very excited having now learnt to ride without stabilisers, and so we concur with his Dad’s opinion that “Golf was just a fad to Rob, like riding his bike is now. He also likes trains and dinosaurs, and wants to be a spaceman. So expect him to miss a lot of the 2011 tour as well – I’ll be taking him to the Science, Natural History & Tysley Railway museums then.”
Anyway, the day proper started with the sight of the properly erected WHV banner resplendent by the driveway for all of Devon to see (Coops had granted permission for this). The Rep continued his excellent society value by erecting a proper scoreboard in the bar. It was then time for a couple of drinks and the Captain’s usual win over Ron at pool. As is customary, the TD earned the first forfeit of the weekend – this time by not drinking from the Ornate Suisse Stein. However this did lead the board to make yet another excellent strategic decision: targeting the society to acquire at least one new Stein a year, each one with different European provenance. Woe betide anybody who loses one of these.
Onto the round, where WHV went for a 3-4-4 formation. Leading the society out were Donk, Coops and the TD. The last walked the course – we assume he was Not Scared to do this, being the Alpha Male and a Helluva Boy (best one in the world). Although the tee-shot was a bit blind (or at least this observer is) the standard of driving looked good – and had Pedro Power not been insolvent from their eponymous Masters event a good bet with them would have been on 2 of these 3 at that time. Next off were the Star group – all four OOM winners with insignia proud above the WHV crest on their shirts. Obviously the usual tiresome debate happened; wherein the legitimacy of one of these stars was questioned. And equally obviously such discussion was given short shrift, it being a matter of historical record. Again four decent shots; with some surprise registered that the Skipper got one off straight with his new swing. Well surprise from those members in the know about swing technique – not Ron, who couldn’t tell the difference. Last off were the Rep, Austhuizen, Tour Leader Bacon & Ads. We don’t know how good their hitting was, we can only assume they did not go on to let the society down.
From this point my knowledge of the other groups’ play is sparse at best. Bruce had already played his best shot of the first hour, proceeding to place his second out of bounds from the centre of the fairway with 140yds to go. Noz also blobbed (we were informed a couple of times that the Amy Austin is all about handicap management), while the Captain and Pres got 2 and 3 points respectively. This was the general way of things in the Star group: the Captain getting the first 4-pointer of the day at the sinuous fourth: form and swing then immediately took him onwards to stiff a 9-iron to within 8 feet of the fifth to win the Shark. (He did three-putt though. For the society in general, putting was not the order of the day – even Austhuizen was heard to say “I’ll never three-putt that many times in a round again”). Going out the Pres and Captain were level on 16 points; and after 1 point from the first 5 holes Bruce had rallied with 13 from the next four. Elsewhere on the course, the TD had started well but then saw some Full Hammer Crayfish “Giving it all that”. It’s fair to say his focus was not on golf from that point onwards, which possibly cost him the win. In terms of the card, mention must also be made of the handicap outriders’ scores after 9 – Ads with an excellent 17 points, and Ron with a full 18, including a couple of great scores. I’m thinking of the 4 net 0 and Par net 1 in particular.
Onto the back 9; and when in the Star group Bruce failed to maintain his momentum, we were left with the “Boardroom Battle” between the Pres and Captain. Dougal went 3 up after 13, but the Prof drew level as it stood on the (remarkably) stroke index 5 17th. Here the Pres hooked a drive left and elected not to play a provisional. On not finding his ball near the boundary hedge he contemplated returning to play a tee-shot – at which point Noz politely reminded him that one of the reasons R4 was constructed was so players didn’t waste society time by doing such things. The Captain thought it could be done as the next group were not yet on the tee, but Baxter demurred as he was Absolutely Fine With That. Had No Problem Whatsoever. The Captain scored 4 points. At the 18th tee there was a bit of a hold-up where the Captain, tongue firmly in cheek, asked the President if he should protect his handicap. We don’t understand the President’s humour failure, as he was Absolutely Fine – but he furiously scribbled this comment down on an impromptu Indictment sheet. The Captain had the misfortune to take 4 putts from where his tee-shot placed him just off the green for 18 points coming in, and is in no doubt that a fine is forthcoming at the AGM.
Results
34: Captain £15
31: President £5
30: TD
29: Coops (Countback)
29: PR
28: Butters
27: Ads
23: Donk (Countback)
23: Bonus
22: Austhuizen
21: Noz
Shark: Captain £5
Dog: PR £5
A quick break for dinner, then on with the evening. The PR was tasked to find any pub that had 2 out of Rattler, a Pool Table and a Jukebox. He sourced one with all three. The Rattler flew, the TD was told to leave, Ron and Peds had a downing completion with the remaining Rattler tray and that is where my scattered memory gave up the ghost completely.
So, on to the first day of the Jug proper and from these a few questions to resolve:
Would Bacon bottle the OOM? Would the President remain Absolutely Fine over the weekend? Would Austhuizen ever three-putt again? Would the TD get over his Full Hammer Crayfish? Would Campo Shark it? Could anything make the Society remember events after the Rattler?
Well, if there are any answers to these questions, they will be found in the match report for the Big One, the Claret Jug…
